Convinced something is wrong with me

Sorry for yet another post but it's just gone midnight and I can't stop thinking. I'm worried I am a psychopath again. It all stems from the thoughts I have about harming my little cousin, but they feel like genuine thoughts and that I gain pleasure from abusing. All I know is I don't want these thoughts and don't want to actually hurt anybody but I fear one day I will lose control and snap. I can't feel any emotions anymore, especially empathy which leads me to think I am a narcissist (have NPD) and maybe that I'm a sadist. I know I've got pleasure from hurting other people in the past (nothing serious, but it's concerning nonetheless). I'm at a loss with what to do because my GP keeps saying she's referred me to see my psychiatrist but I haven't heard anything from them. Living inside my mind is constant hell. I think about these things all the time.

Well until you can get in to see the psych, just try and remind yourself that you don't WANT to do any harm to your cousin, and that you're NOT going to do anything, because you don't want to, you know right from wrong, and you refuse to do wrong. What's more try to refuse to worry about it. I have to intentionally not worry about my harm thoughts. I'll worry about them, when I've acted on them. And I'm not going to act on them, because my thoughts cannot make me do something I don't want to. I refuse to let myself be frightened by thoughts.