OCD triggered again at work

Hi. I've been trying to stay off the internet because of OCD, but find myself lurking on here!

My OCD flared up when i started a new job. I've been there nearly 3 months now and I still obsess about doing something wrong, offending my boss and getting the sack, but now there's a new obsession creeping in.

I work in a kitchen and there's a big gas oven. I keep worrying that I haven't turned the gas off properly when I've used the hob. Then I'll check the knobs and feel OK. Then a little while later I worry that I knocked them when I checked them earlier and have to check them again and so on...

I live in the same street as this business and I have to fight the urge to go back to work when I've just finished for the day and check the oven, or phone them up and ask them whether the gas is definitely turned off. Doing so would make them think I'm a weirdo.

When I get home I start imagining a huge explosion coming from down the road because I didn't turn the oven off. I keep asking my husband whether it would be weird if I went back and made sure the oven was turned off. He said it would be weird and I know it would be. I was almost in tears a couple of nights ago because I was so worried about this.

The weird thing is that I've never had this obsession before.

I spoke to a psychologist about resuming ERP, but she doesn't think it's a good time for me, although I suspect it's more about NHS cuts.

Anyway. Sorry to bang on, but this oven thing is getting worse. I've finished my shift and now I'm panicking. I know that I checked the gas was off and that someone would smell gas if it wasn't, but it's those dreaded 'what ifs'.

Hey there Mrs. Shark. I can certainly relate to this. I am always checking my oven. Also, I frequently work in other people's houses when they aren't there and sometimes have to let myself out. I always worry I did something that will start a fire or something. Sometimes it takes me a while to leave.

I think it has a lot to do with a sense of responsibility. Do you generally leave work at closing? Are you the last person to leave the building? I would think it's the manager's (or whoever's in charge that night) responsibility to make sure everything is OK before they lock up. After all, they're there to look after the work of everybody else. If you're not the last person to leave, and the oven blows up, incinerating half of Great Britain, which we both deep down know it never will, you can always hope the person working in the kitchen after you was to blame.

If it was so easy for a gas oven to be turned off improperly, wouldn't we be hearing of more gas explosions happening all the time? Additionally, I always tell myself that equipment like ovens are made for safety. Especially commercial ones, which are designed for many users.

I wouldn't call work or go back to check. I know how tempting that can be, but they'll think you're a crackpot. Nons can be funny that way.

naps wrote:Hey there Mrs. Shark. I can certainly relate to this. I am always checking my oven. Also, I frequently work in other people's houses when they aren't there and sometimes have to let myself out. I always worry I did something that will start a fire or something. Sometimes it takes me a while to leave.

Hey naps, nice to see you!

Yea, I can relate to that and would probably end up with the same fears if I had to work in other people's houses.

naps wrote:I think it has a lot to do with a sense of responsibility. Do you generally leave work at closing? Are you the last person to leave the building? I would think it's the manager's (or whoever's in charge that night) responsibility to make sure everything is OK before they lock up. After all, they're there to look after the work of everybody else. If you're not the last person to leave, and the oven blows up, incinerating half of Great Britain, which we both deep down know it never will, you can always hope the person working in the kitchen after you was to blame.

I'm not the last person to leave, but still think 'what if I did knock the knob and nobody else realises.' This is made worse by the fact that some of the hobs are a bit temperamental, which makes it seem a bit dangerous anyway. I'd be pretty upset if my work place blew up as I might end up jobless. I know it's unlikely to happen!

naps wrote:If it was so easy for a gas oven to be turned off improperly, wouldn't we be hearing of more gas explosions happening all the time? Additionally, I always tell myself that equipment like ovens are made for safety. Especially commercial ones, which are designed for many users.

I wouldn't call work or go back to check. I know how tempting that can be, but they'll think you're a crackpot. Nons can be funny that way.

I know the oven is safe. Commercial kitchens are quite dangerous places! I have to use really sharp knives a lot, but that doesn't bother me. They would definitely think I'm a crackpot if I started phoning them after work and popping back! They know I have OCD and probably think I'm weird anyway (which I am).

I work for a guy who owns a huge loft filled with lots of expensive electronics and camera equipment. There's a back door that leads to a sort-of terrace which is surrounded by other buildings. It wouldn't be too hard to access if you were thinking of robbing the place, yet he still leaves that back door unlocked a lot of the time. The lock is tricky and it sticks, and he always tells me not to worry about it: it's OK for me to leave the place (with no one there) and the door unlocked.

For a while, I used to try and lock it anyway, which I never could, then I would worry about someone robbing the place the whole trip home. It wasn't about being specifically afraid of him getting robbed, but more about the fact that I would feel responsible, having left the back door unlocked, even though he always tells me it's OK.

Eventually I would find myself worrying about it after I got home. This was too much: one of my most annoying obsessions is worrying about the security of my own apartment. So I told myself: "NO. One apartment is enough to worry about. I will NOT OCD over someone else's place. So what if he has overloaded extension cords running all over the place? I didn't set them up. I didn't disturb them."

I told myself that psychologically/emotionally, I simply didn't have the capacity or strength to double-worry about something. Worrying about my own place is annoying enough. So I gave myself a choice: add another obsession to my already overloaded brain, or just let it go. So I let it go. I refused to let myself worry about someone else's responsibility. It was a little hard at first, and sometimes it does bother me a little, but t's nowhere near the extent in which I worry about my own stuff.

Maybe you could apply this to your job. No business would be dumb enough to leave the safety of dangerous equipment to new hires off the street. Your job is to use the ovens properly and responsibly, but that's it. You're not being paid to fret over the possibility of something going wrong with the oven. You're paid to cook. Safety is really the responsibility of the kitchen manager (and the general manager and/or owner as well). Maybe you can try to apply what I've done with the unlocked loft to your job. Ask yourself if it's really worth the anxiety you are causing yourself.

It would be nice if all OCD could be dealt with this way, but it can't. In this case, however, tell yourself you are taking on anxieties that really belong to someone else. Is it really worth it?

Another way you can look at it is to know that as a person with OCD, you are especially careful and conscientious about the oven safety. Can you say that about every other person there who works with the oven? What about past employees? Were they all OCD about the oven? Of course not. Some might even have been careless f3¢k-ups.Yet the place is still standing...

Thanks Naps. That all makes a lot of sense and I totally agree with you. It is a responsibility thing. The owner is last out and they probably checks everything anyway. They have even more of a vested interest in making sure their establishment isn't blown to smithereens in a gas oven explosion than I do!

I like your description of "double worrying". I have enough worries and obsessions concerning my own safety and so don't have the energy to spare for anyone else.

Thanks for the good advice and chat.

Dear CloudShark:

Wouldn't it be nice if, using the sharp knives you work with in the kitchen, at your workplace, if you could use a sharp knife to peel off the Fear from the Thought. This is what I figure OCD is:

It is fear attached to a thought (ex. the oven is not off) or to a sight, a noise, a smell, a taste, a body sensation, a touch-feel. It is fear attached to a thought/ sensation. I am busy these very days in being mindful, that is paying attention to the Thing (thought/sensation) and the fear attached, and then peeling off the fear from the thing.

Not an easy task, to be paying attention like this all day long, but I think this is the way.

atina