HOCD on an off for a few years. want to get rid of it!

Ok so this is going to be a longer post since I've had this problem for a while now.

When I was younger I was raised by two females (a mom and grandma) so I just wanted to put that out there before anything. I had one homosexual experience when I was younger ( this was when i was 7 and I am 26 now) and that was to my recollection just super curious. Have not done anything since and have been with a bunch of females. I did not have any problems regarding my sexuality growing up, but I did watch a bunch of porn. I always played sports but I started lifting weights around 18 and would always consciously see dudes with body types that I wanted and used that as motivation.

As the years went on and as society has become more accepting of gays, i just kept hearing about it over and over and randomly in 2014 I started to develop massive HOCD. It was during a rough period of my life when all i did was drugs and alcohol on a daily basis so not sure if that has to do with it, but it was rough. Nevermind the fact that due to my upbringing although i find myself to be very masculine i am a bit goofy and people take that as flamboyance..and started asking if i was gay.

I started making a conscious effort to get rid of my HOCD and read nearly every article there was . I did everything from No-Fap to meditate to changing my diet around. and behold..IT WORKED! for about 5 months I was HOCD free and life was great. then life started to become stressful again and i started partying alot harder than usual and out of nowhere like 2 months ago I relapsed and I havent been fully well since.

I think with my HOCD it is weird. I have always been attracted to females, although have no thoughts about being intimate with a male ever. I think with me its the fact that there are some people that think i am gay based on my mannerisms and that ONE experience makes me question everything. I might have answered my own question by having a point where I was HOCD-free but it coming back scares me. it makes me doubt everything like why would it come back? I just want to be mentally free again.....this is literally the worst hell ever.