POCD-related. Looking for help... ***spike warning

First time posting here. Was diagnosed with OCD 12 year ago when I was in college. Have gone through all forms: HOCD, POCD, ROCD, cleanliness...lots. I've been up, down, way up, and way down. Lately, I deal primarily with ROCD. I don't want to go on and on and bore anyone with my story, so I'll get to the point.

Today, I was at the pool. A young girl--probably between 12 and 14--was there in a bikini (full diclosure: she was wearing a type of bikini i've always liked seeing...but on adult women). She was on the other side of the pool and each time I would scan to that side, I would look at her. It started to bug me, but I told myself, "from a distance, a body is just a body." I was ok, but then I said, "and it's sexy." Messed me up. I asked myself, "how could you possibly say/think that's sexy?" So I tried to help myself by trying to rationalize. And this made it even worse because I thought, "a 14 year-old's body is tighter." Made it even worse. I started asking if that girl was sexier than the adult women there.

I'm miserable. Verge of tears. Looking for help. I appreciate you taking the time to read.

I always have this thing when i notice adult characteristics, clothing styles or hair styles my brain always tells "you like that in adults, so you noticed that so you must like that kid". That has nothing to do with attraction. you're just noticing something. And i always have a perfectly normal thought, but then my brain decides to put something weird or f*cked up behind it. I remember having thoughts like: "this knife is sharp" and after a few seconds i think "yeah to stab someone with". I think its the same as the thoughts you have.

If you want to ask me something pls pm me.