Hocd or just in deep denial-please please help

Hi I'm a 20 year old female and recently I've had some really intense doubts about my sexuality. I've read about hocd and I guess I could have I do have my doubts about me having that because of a lack of other symptoms of ocd. I have had obsessions that I had herpes that it got to the point that I was convinced I could feel my insides burned out. I've also struggled with a fear of getting fat so much so that I have to measure out everything I eat and log all the calories otherwise I feel fat. Also I've had intense fear of being pregnant. I've struggled with depression and I certainly have some quirks about my insistence on certain ways things need to be done.
I've always had crushes on boys since kindergarten and have continued to. I fantasized about males from a young age. I have worried about being gay and being in denial before but these worries generally have gone away but now it's all I can think about. I always imagined myself with guys and before this I did notice if girls were attractive but in the sense that I feel they were competition not in a way I desired them, I think. I've always considered my self mostly straight and been happy considering myself that way. If I were to be gay I know my family and friends would accept and love me and I would accept it too. I'm know constantly checking to see if I'm attracted to woman and keep searching through my past for evidence that points either way. I've tried the practices of anytime I check myself or have an intrusive thought so say "I may be gay" and not obsess by what the thought means or if I'm gay. I feel better and start to feel less anxious and happy but then I start thinking to myself that there's no way I could be happy and that I'm just in denial and that I'm so deep in denial that I'm gay and I won't accept it. I wish there was a way someone could tell me if I was gay so I could just accept it and move on instead of this constant doubt or maybe denial, since I'm not sure.
It's so confusing to fantasize about guys and want to be with and date guys but then to also to feel like that maybe I'm lying to myself and it's not what I really want. This is anxiety makes me feel sick and miserable. I worry that I'm suddenly going to turn gay or that I'm going to realize I'm gay and that I've just been in such deep denial and wouldn't accept it. I have had sex dreams about girls before and when drunk I've made out with one or two friends but during those times I never felt the desire to go further, do it again or even really enjoyed doing it but maybe that's because I'm trying to repress emotions. While I really like penises I've never orgasmed with a boy and sex has been okay but honestly it could be better. My ex boyfriend, who was the perfect guy, I broke up with because he was in love with me and I just didn't feel that much for him so
I worry that indicates I'm gay. It's ironic though because I broke up with him because I met another guy who I really wanted to have sex with and couldn't get my mind of him and the thought having sex with him. When I was dating my boyfriend all I worried about was not being able to have sex with other boys. I'm willing to accept that I may be bisexual but I'm worried that I may be fully gay and just won't accept it for some reason. I don't want to give up dating boy nor do I really want to date girls or really see myself with them but what if that suddenly changes? What if I realize I'm in denial?
I'm sick of checking and testing to see I'm gay. I'm sick of obsessing over it because the uncertainty is making me miserable. I find it really frustrating to go from always having considered my self straight since I was kid to be feeling anxious that I'm not and that I've just been hiding it from myself the whole time.

Hi. Sounds like some of the same thoughts, etc. I had once or twice. I can only explain from my experiences. Problem is, for someone who has OCD these thoughts seem very real and you end up obsessing about it until you don't know what's real anymore. That's me. I've always been an obsessive worrier. I've been diagnosed with Obsessive OCD and I take some medication now. Once I started seeing a therapist everything calmed down for me, and I know I'm not gay. It's funny how real things can seem to you. And it's very scary. I can find it humorous now. Don't know if you are religious, but God is there and he can help. If I were you I'd definitely see a therapist too. They can be a big help also.