OCD thoughts?

I'm not hopeful of getting a reply to this because lately no one replies to my posts but I need help so I'm hoping someone might respond.

I've had a hard time lately with the OCD and other things. On Monday my best friend told me something happened to her which she was very upset about. She told me very little about it but kept saying it was her fault and she's a horrible person. We are complete opposites in that i have a compulsion to yell everyone my problems whereas she keeps everything to herself and won't open up.

On Wednesday I decided to copy her and everyone who asked how I was I said I was fine, even though it wasn't true. It was like torture and I was in so much pain.

The next day I had a minor breakdown at work and had to go home as I couldn't stop crying. I was off Friday as well. The depression has got worse over the past few days and I am feeling properly suicidal now.

I thought that it was set off by depression but now I think it could have been OCD. There were a lot of things that contributed to it but it was a thought that caused the crash. When I told my friend how bad I was she wanted to know what had led to this and I refused to tell her (as it was partly from her situation and it would have been selfish to say that). She said she wanted me to tell her stuff and I thought 'see! This is what you're doing to me. See how much it hurts'. I felt like I wanted to hurt her, and I drove myself mad thinking this meant I am evil. I kept going around telling people I am evil, yet when I told a couple of friends the thought they said it was normal. I don't know if they're right but it strikes me that this is how OCD works- you have a normal thought but drive yourself mad thinking it means something bad?

I keep comparing myself to her. When I talk about how I feel I feel guilty as I keep thinking she must feel much worse than I do. She texted today to say she's taking her dad out for Father's Day and even though I'm doing the same for my dad I immediately thought 'she's a much better daughter than me'.

I know that people sometimes can get so upset with someone that they feel like hitting them. That's normal, but you don't do it. And the thing with comparing you with your friend is normal too. I do it all the time. I would love to have some charactaristics from some of my friends. And feeling awful bc you think someone else has it worse is normal too. And your not a bad daughter. You're a great personen for being so sweet for your dad. Pls don't beat yourself up for bring perfectly normal. If you want to talk, just pm me.