ROCD?

I was wondering if ROCD can take many forms? I feel as if mine has changed. When I first started experiencing ROCD. I had thoughts that I didn't love my husband and it sent me into a panic. I even had a panic attack and wanted to leave. However, now I get anxiety when I say to myself that I do love my husband. Is this normal? I feel almost calm whenever I say I don't love him to myself. Could it be I'm afraid of loving? I want nothing more than these thoughts to go away. I hate it and I'm filled with so much guilt and shame. When I cry, I really, really cry. I want to rip my brain out. Scratch my skin off. I shouldn't feel this way about my husband. I feel like I'm losing my mind. My anxiety spikes when I'm with my husband or look at his photos. Is this normal? I want to be happy WITH my husband. I'm just not sure if this is even ROCD. I know love is a choice but I can't help but have anxiety when I tell myself I love my husband. I so badly want to love him and be around him as normal again. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you

I think- that everyone gets the thoughts we get. But when we have OCD, those thoughts get atomic bombed out of proportion. EVERYONE has commitment issues. Everyone doesn't feel total googoo love 24/7. But most people don't pay attention to it, probably to the point of not even being aware of it. But not us- we're going to obsess over stuff.

I think feeling calm when you tell yourself you don't love the DH, is kind of a homebrew way of taking the sting out of the OCD thoughts. You're facing your fear when you do that. It's like when I get an intrusive harm thought- I get thoughts of killing my hunny- well I'm like okay whatever if I kill her I kill her. Now if I let my OCD get the best of me, I'd be like OMG I'm a MONSTER because it doesn't bother me! To try and make it bother me, ofc. I have to make the conscious decision that I'm not going to let myself be bothered by thoughts like that.

And I think I don't love my hunnybunny all the time. In fact I'm pretty sure I don't love her- until something happens to her and I get scared for her, or I'm sick and need her- or I look at her and think how great she is.... Normals do this crap all the time and don't think about it, 'cause they don't obsess like we do, sweetie.

I have rOCD and yes, the thoughts can change. I get really scared when i think what if i don't love my bf and maybe i have to break up with him. And the worse thing is that sometimes it is really hard to tell if it is rOCD or is it really the truth. I can't tell the difference, but i think the truth will come with time. My tip is you should talk to your husband about your feelings and tell him that there is an anxiety disorder called rOCD because that can help if he gets confused. But remember, you are not alone. There are many people who suffer the same kind of thoughts.