POCD (?) is getting worse, more real

Hi

I already posted a topic here and told a bit about 'my story'. I'm 19 years old and have pocd or pedophillia but I hope it's ocd. However I think (maybe am sure) that I'm turned on by kids, teens,.. so this doesn't seem pocd anymore? It feels like I'm a pedophile who also has ocd. And I'm acting like I doubt it to get reassurance and run away from the truth.

I read that many pocd sufferers know they aren't actually attracted and even disgusted by the pedo thoughts but I seem to like them. Many real pedophiles also seem to struggle with it and feel distress and anxiety (what will my friends think, future,..) so it makes perfect sense that I would be one. Many past events of me also kinda can ' proof' it's pedophillia rather than pocd. Like I once wanted to see a disturbing movie because it has cp in it? I once even searched for it? I'm not so interested in sex with people my age? and so on and so on. And I have the feeling I put the question marks just because I want to make it look like pocd because im afraid to be a pedo, or atleast I think I'm afraid.

People who have pocd or want to talk, reply or PM me please.

EDIT: I don't know if I actually check like most pocd sufferers do. I'm afraid if I would look up pics of kids naked (Yes I know that sounds wrong (I think)) I will be turned on since it happens all the time.

Anyone?

In the meantime, I've been feeling some kind of turn-on while thinking of guys my age I think so taht's good but I'm just not sure, like maybe I make it up to like run away from the truth that I have pedophillia. I looked up pictures of kids, teens, adolescents, adults.. I think little kids don't turn me on or atleast I think. Teens however, even if young ones I can find them attractive and even would have sex with them? (not in real life offcourse) Adolescents idk I guess yes, and adults, well there are some attractive men who I wouldn't mind spending time with (I think, I'm not sure about my feelings). I also found pictures of kids (not sexual,..) that I found attractive (is it weird I dont even feel anxiousness by typing I find like a kid attractive?), printscreened them and send them to a guy who also (I don't know if I have it) has pocd to ask him for reassurance but I didn't get an answer yet. And also look at them myself and wanting to test myself, confront myself, but the thing is I think I would like to do something with the kids? Like normal people with pocd just note that theyre not attracted at all but I am? I know this may all sound like OCD but it also could be pedophillia , maybe non-exclusive, which I would still not really like. I find it by the way difficult to know what are my ocd/intrusive thoughts and what are the thoughts of my feelings (myself)?

Sometimes it's like 'hey f**k you ocd, you've been tormenting me long enough, I'm gonna live my life and just ignore you, but the attraction to kids/young teens feels so real. I don't even feel disturbed/disgusted by it, even if I imagine sexual scenarios. I just want honest answers of you guys. Don't be afraid to make me more scared or something, I just want the truth and I have the truth I can think about how to live with it etc..

http://www.academia.edu/4075725/Problem ... sis_of_OCD
I want you to read this. I had that after a while i didn't deel so disgusted about my thoughts because i knew it was ocd.
I don't think you know for sure that you are a p otherwise you would be ok with it. And its true that some p's have anxiety too but they only geel sorry for themselfs that they can't be in a relationship they want to have and they feel more lust than anxiety. They don't feel srry if they think about kids in that way, they maybe feel a little regret after fantasising but nothing more. Most people with ocd don't fantasise about it. With ocd its more like 1 sec imagise or thoughts and then emmediatly fighting Back.
I think the best thing for you to do is letting go of the thoughts. See them as thoughts and nothing more, it's not a part of you. It's not who you are. And checking can cause false attraction. I would recommend more articles from Robert Lindsey about pocd. I Hope you're doing a little bit better now. If you want to talk just pm me.

Hi

I read the link you posted a few days ago and it reliefed me but today I kinda accepted or am beginning to accept that I'm a pedo. I find myself having a sort of real attraction to some guys who are 10-13. I think I know I'm not really interested in toddlers etc.. But that's not the point, I still like guys who are 10-13 and they are still kids and some not even beginning to sexually develop. I have to admit I don't feel good about this but I read posts from real pedophiles that also felt really bad when they started to accept what they were. I think if I would still say it's pocd or letting others tell me it's pocd, it's just me fighting an attraction I probably can't help. I'll never act on it but it bothers me that I'll never feel the true love/sexual feelings for adults. Because I imagined myself with an adult partner but I guess a lot of pedos did at first. If you see my past and ALL the things that happened it actually makes sense I'm a sort of pedophile. On the paraphillias forum I saw pedos were at first repressing their attraction by watching things that were close to it and I also did this. I watched dad/son porn and the bigger the age difference the better. I also like incest fantasies.

Yesterday I masturbated for the first time in days to normal gay porn (I didnt let myself see dad/son porn but I had a big urge to) and eventually came to it but it felt forced and also I had pedo thoughts when I came I think. It was a shot were the faces of both guys weren't visible and thought of a dad/son (child?) scenario and came. Short after when thinking about guys my age I didnt get a boner but when I thought of a scenario where a doctor would do a medical exam on me and you know I did get horny again. I have to admit in dad/son porn I mostly want to be the son but still. And I get a good feeling when spooning and kissing with a guy my age but not directly sex? If I was a woman I would understand but let's face it a male wants sex. Like now I also want to masturbate but am not going to I think and when I do I will probably think of pedo thoughts and feel bad after. I also have the feeling I'm just trying to let myself and you all think it's pure ocd because I type all this worried stuff but it seems the attraction to 10-13 year old boys is real and I could masturbate to them. Sometimes it feels like I'm romantically normal but sexually I prefer minors (kids). Maybe I'm even romantically normally because it's what society wants??

At the moment I'm feeling obviously not well but that isn't a sign of pocd because pedophiles also have this.

Hi there, you said that these symptoms just recently came up? I have also found myself "attracted" to children and even my own family because of ocd. I honestly don't think that this is real after reading so many stories about this. It seems to me that we obsess over this so much that our minds start to think that maybe we do like them. I think if we really wanted this then we would have felt this way our whole lives, not just recently. Keep your head up and never throw out the idea that this could be ocd.