So anxious and stressed about having a PD/Sociopath

So I was diagnosed with pure-o about 8 years ago when I had a meltdown worrying I might be gay and repressed or who knows what. Using Zoloft and Klonopin I mostly overcame this and moved on with my life.

Bet the last few years a new fear started creeping in, I became obsessed with the fact that my wife was cheating on me. Started slow and progressed to full on checking up on her and constant reassurance seeking. Following a similar pattern as my previous OCD. Somehow I didn't fully recognize it and it got out of control. After my wife getting fed up with me and insisting I get some help, I reached out for medication and a Drs appointment.

I am on Zoloft now and it seems to be helping with crippling anxiety levels and have a consultation next week with a counseling service.

Here is where things take a nasty turn, while researching Zoloft and if it would help and if obsessive jealousy was actually an OCD thing, I stumbled upon posts about delusional jealousy and personality disorders.

At first I was worried I had BPD, then NPD and now I am convinced I might be a sociopath. Anyone have obsessions like this before. I am consumed by googling, and online tests and rumination.

I am absolutely terrified I have ASPD. I keep struggling to see if I feel empathy, or if all my actions are fake? Could I be faking emotion and be unaware? My biggest fears are that I have lied and exaggerated things, I have done some pretty #######5 things in my past, was a slightly problem child. I also wasn't super sad when my Gampa died. What does this all mean??

The reasons I might not be a sociopath is I do feel sad about others(I think??). I cry at movies, cry at sad news stories. I like helping pwople(I think) but also sometimes I am selfish. Can get bored easily. And I am sometimes impulsive. Uggghhhhh. Even writing this I am convinced that I am actually a sociopath.

Anyone dealt with anything like this before?

Anyone have any thoughts?

Hey! So basically my short answer is that I highly doubt you are a sociopath. If you didn't feel any empathy then why would you worry about not having it. Because you feel bad that you might be a sociopath. And that means you have empathy therefore not a sociopath.

A year ago I had the exact same intrusive thought, and I know logic really doesn't help that much, but I hope I eased your obsession just a bit!

Yeah I've had this. Last year I spent months convinced I had BPD. I kept telling people, finding evidence online and going on about it 24/7, so much so that even one of my best friends told me it was too much. I kept going to the doctor and saying I had it and he kept telling me I didn't, over and over. It actually ended when I realised I have OCD, as I then became obsessed with worrying I don't have OCD...

Lately I've been worrying I'm really selfish, a bit like you I go over and over it in my mind. I had some kind of breakdown at work last week partly caused by the fact that another one of my best friends had been through a tough time but hadn't told me and I was convinced it was all my fault and that she hadn't told me as she knows I'm selfish and I ruminated on it for days and drove myself mad until it all became too much and I broke down.

I agree that real sociopaths wouldn't worry that they are sociopaths, that gives me some comfort. But the doubt is always there.

Thanks guys, great to know other people have the same issues. Yeah, its like logically, I would know that a sociopath wouldn't care, but then what if I am the first to care? hahaha, sounds silly but feels so real.

robMaine3636 wrote:Thanks guys, great to know other people have the same issues. Yeah, its like logically, I would know that a sociopath wouldn't care, but then what if I am the first to care? hahaha, sounds silly but feels so real.

I know your pain. I had the same obsession back in 2011. I know how hard it is to let go. Get yourself some OCD medication. Any high dose of an SSRI will do. It'll take 1.5 months to start working.

OCD is by definition illogical. For someone who cherishes logic like me, that makes it extra painful.

I've had the exact same obsession too. It's better than it was a couple of months ago. Try not to spend time online looking at symptoms. I know it's difficult when it's a compulsion, but it wastes time and makes the obsession and anxiety worse.