Hocd/tocd and daydreaming

Ok, I'm just going to write down my story here, because I'm scared and really lost in myself.

I'm a female and 17 years oldand l live in the Netherlands. I have a very creative mind. I'm also sure I have OCD. I've had obsessions all my life. It started with the fear of puke Iwhen i was 10. I was so scared that I started washing my hands a lot. They got really dry. I also checked all the dates on food items. I got a dog and he puked a lot in the xar so I got over it. After that I thought I was fat so I checked all the calories and got anorexia, but after a while I had no energy anymore so I started eating again. After that a guy suddenly died in my school because of a brain tumor and I was so scared I had a brain tumor too. I got really depressed and thought I was going to die. In that time I started mastrubating and I got addicted. I started to watch porn because it didn't work anymore without. I never questionned my sexuality before that. I've had a lot of guy chrushes and loved everything about guys. But when I watched porn it only worked for me when the woman was having pleasure. I imagined myself as her and wanted to have the same pleasure. I needed more porn to get the same effect. I even saw rape porn and I stumbled on lesbian porn. I got really anxious when I watched the lesbian porn. But somehow i got an orgasm. After that I started to question my sexuality.

Hocd started. I started to check my reactions on females. Suddenly I felt things down there when I was with them. I was so scared I had become gay. I started having gay dreams and I remember laying on the ground crying and wishing I was dead. I didn't want to be gay but my brain told me that I had to be gay. I got depressed and everytime a saw a pretty girl I got anxious. I started to check internet and found out about hocd. I felt relief but ir was only temporary. That was 6 months ago. I barely have false arousals anymore and I stopped mastrubation completely.

Right now I know that I don't want to be with a woman but I still get weird thoughts.

I always loved to daydream. I make stories in my head based on tv shows, movies and celebrities. I have this daydream now about being in a band with three guys. (Kind of Black Eyed Peas) I just want to say that I havr a thing for bromances. I just really like friendships between guys. So of course this id involved in my daydreams. One guy is like my perfect guy and I love to daydream about him. But sometimes when I'm not in my daydream my brain has this like first person view of him and that is my problem now. My brain is telling me that I want to be a guy. Or at least that I have a guyside of me. I really don't like this idea. I'm really worried that I secretly want to be a guy and want to have a girl. I'm not very girly bit I'm not a tomboy either. IDaydreaming used to be the thing where i escaped the reality. When I checked on internet I saw a post of someone who is bisexual. She was curious about having a penis. And of course I imagined myself havong a penis and it freaked me out. I don't want to be a guy! I don't want to havr a penis!. My brain is jist making things up now. I love being a girl. Why does my brain has to torture me so much. I don't want a girlfriend. All I ever wanted was a guy and a family, but my brain is telling me that I'm never going to get that. I just feel extremely depressed and anxious. I can't live like this anymore. My parents would accept me if I was gay but I don't want to be gay. I feel like a guy now and I don't like it. I'm confused and I can't sleep anymore. I'm even getting fail marks at school.

what can I do now? I just want it to stop....