Having compulsions to websearch things I don't want to.

******Possible trigger content******

I am having a obsessive fear that I will google things of illegal nature that I am afraid to type in and I will get compulsions to type them in. Mind will get fixated on typing in phrases like "How to hide a body" or " How to build a bomb" and the scariest of them is "Child Porn". I have no desire to look at or act on any of these things, only to google search them. If I say to myself "Just don't do it and forget about it" the thought will come into my mind, it is not illegal to web search anything and all webrowsers filter any illegal content and If I google anything that my fixates on it will go away and nobody will know and my anxiety and obsession will go away and then I will become tempted to do it and my anxiety will skyrocket and this is pretty what triggers the OCD. I don't want to that because I will feel ashamed of myself and I don't want to end up on some watchlist and I hate the feeling of not having control, but it feels like in my mind it is not a choice and it is somthing that will happen. I have had a long history off HOCD in the past and when I acted on my compulsions I never felt like I was doing some morally or legally wrong. What should I do?

Dear EnterSandman:

What if, for now, you compromise with your compulsion and on a separate keyboard, one not connected to the compuer, one you set aside just for this purpose, you can type anything at all that you want. Just type it. Maybe do have the keyboard connected to a Word document, not to the internet. Type and see the words you typed: there you did it, and no online consequences?

atina