Harm ocd?

Quick question about harm ocd, I'm having some really twisted thoughts. Like really twisted. I feel like I have harm ocd but I'm scared because I feel like my thoughts are more of urges or desires.
I feel like some of my thoughts are desires, I can see some of the desires behind my thoughts that involve mutilation. Like I can see the motivation behind it involving sexual pleasure, revenge, getting back at somebody or feeling intimacy. And I'm scared that one day I'm going to be overrun with these base thoughts and I might end of doing them and blocking out any feelings of empathy or remorse. But whenever I imagine doing this stuff I test my self by thinking of the gore and the person being hurt. Sometimes I feel like if I were in the scenario I could push past them and focus on the base feeling of getting revenge and being taken over by strong feelings and sometimes I push myself to where I want to throw up and I feel bad.

Often I also wonder if no one was on the planet earth to judge me for being sick and it was just me and the person I felt like wanting to hurt and do sick twisted things to if I would go through with it like as if the only reason I don't want to be sick is because of the concept of being sick minded. Like I feel like if there were no consequences I could go through with it and dehumanize/objectify the person (like a serial killer does with their victims) Like right now as I'm saying this I imagine no consequences and then feeling like I want to do some of these extremely disgusting things but then I imagine the pain I'd cause then I feel like I want to cause that pain and I feel an urge to objectify the person and I feel like I kind of become someone else like my self image becomes this serial killer with no empathy but then I feel depressed because I feel like it isn't me. But then I feel like I am deep down inside and I'm scared of that. Like I go like "yes I am going to do this really scary extremely screwed up thing" and I feel like I want to kind of like I'm set free and I go through it in my head imagining all the details even the dehumanization. But then I ask myself and really make it real and go like if I did this in real life and I were faced with such gore and scary stuff would I have the stomach and strength to block it off and I feel like no.

I know it's vague, I can go into detail but essentially I want to know does this sound like harm ocd? Or am I going insane and am I going to be consumed by these thoughts. I never had any of these thoughts before hearing about how serial killers objectify their victims and have sick twisted ways of expressing their love and sexual feelings. When I heard the stuff they did I started to imagine myself going insane and being consumed by feelings like that. Like I took past upsets and just imagined being consumed by them and imagined using those upsets and being consumed by them do really ###$ up things to people like achieving intimacy through mutilation and stuff and in all honesty I could see myself doing that kind of stuff but at the same time my mind reminds myself of how twisted it is. But when I feel like it's twisted I just imagine people saying it's ok to feel that way and it's ok to do those things I feel like I can go out and do them and then I just think about the person I'd be doing it to and how they would be having their lives taken away from them, then a feeling of reality sets it and I feel like I wouldn't do it. It's basically a cycle.

Dear Sif 456:

I only read your first paragraph. My comment is: your thoughts are not dangerous. We have such complex brains that the nature of our human brain is that we can think so many, many thoughts, anything under the sun, the moon and the stars. Anythingt that can be thought, anything that can be imagined, well, we can think those thoughts.

So we do and then we get scared: what if we act on those thoughts? That is the topic for another discussion. That discussion would be about you getting insight into your past hurts, your anger about those hurts and healing from those hurts.

But the thoughts and images themselves, why, I can think ANYTHING right now, bring up ANY image into my brain. But that is nothing personal to me because any brain can do that, any functioning brain anyway.

atina