OCD or bad mother?

I'm a single mother to a 3 month old son who I adore and love with every fibre of my being, but it is sometimes tough. When he was about a month old I got frustrated with him on two occasions and raised my voice a bit at him, begging him to stop crying and go to sleep. I know it's normal to get frustrated but the thing that really bothers me is that I picked him up in an impatient/frustrated manner, not as gentle and lovingly as I should of. I didn't shake him or hurt him but it bothers me a lot how I picked him up and I feel like a child abuser. I don't know if it's my OCD or whether I genuinely should feel guilty? My mum said most mothers will pick their baby up impatiently from time to time, but maybe she's saying that to make me feel better.

3 month old children are HARD -- it's not humanly possible to NOT get frustrated or annoyed or overwhelmed, *especially* as a single mother. You sound like you're doing a fantastic job at being a loving mother, and the fact that you're worried about not loving him enough is the thing that really proves that you're a good and caring mother. Impatience is normal--all parents want to be perfect and always gentle, but of course that's impossible. I'm sure you remember a time in your life when your own mom got snappy, or wasn't as pointedly loving or adoring as other times. I think my mom is the best mom in the world and I love her and know she loves me even more, but I can think of dozens of times where she's been annoyed or exhausted or frustrated with me (the joys of parenthood ).

Of course it's normal to feel a little annoyed with yourself for not being the "ideal" mother you want to be, but it's nothing to feel guilty over and it certainly doesn't make you an abuser! From what I'm reading, it sounds like you're a fantastic mother -- so fantastic that your OCD kicks into hyperdrive just because you're that concerned about not showing your son exactly how much you love him.