I can't wait to die.

It's all I ever think about nowadays.
All the signs from the past, the feelings of arousal, the horrible truth that I'd enjoy it if I just let go. But I can't. I don't want this, I wanna go back crushing on girls. I want to be the alpha male that pulls girls left and right and just look at dudes as brethrens. There's just plain proof that I'm gay and all I want is to forever sleep...

4 views and no replies huh?
No one gives a flying fuxk I guess

I care brother, I know how tough it can be, imagine having what you have, and then have it switch over to the obsession of secretly being transgender (TOCD). I know how bad it can feel, and how real it can feel too. Anything and everything will seem like proof if you focus on it long enough and from specific angles.

It's bullshxt dude. I would give up my limbs to make this go away. It's too far out of like to even say "it seems" or "it feels real" everything about this is real and I'm so fuxking close to running into traffic.

Please don't do that. It feels real for me and others too, but yet I'm still here. Seek help immediately if you really really have legitimate thoughts where you could actually do that.

It's all real. Everything with what I'm going through is proof and there's no hope.

Bro, I know how you feel.. I am a teen and I have he same thing. A really good way to know that your straight is that, do you still like girls ? If you do, YOU DO. Thats it. HOCD MAKES you think, " that guy is handsome " or, " I think i really am gay ". If you dont want to be gay, then you are not, trust me. I have a gay cousin and I told him about my HOCD, he said he was scared of being gay. But not the same way we get scared. He said he got scared how he would get accepted by the public. He said he loved being gay, he just didnt want people to know. You are not gay !!! I found out through this HOCD mess that I am actually hetero.. it will stop. Just hang in there bro, trust me, you'll be fine.

Good Luck,

Lonewolf15

Yeah it's like what Lonewolf said. I'm queer and the type of repression and fear most of us feel is more "I wish the world wasn't so homophobic/I'm afraid of bad reactions from others" than "I hate the idea of being gay/wish I wasn't gay." It seems very clear to me that what you have is just a bad case of OCD. Is there any way you can talk to a therapist about this? Anyway, hang in there dude

@lonewolf (i dig your name btw) i use to like girls but nowadays it doesnt feel like i do.. Actual feelingd of not liking them and i absolutely hate it. I miss them alot

@asffd nah, generic therapists don't help whatsoever. Im hanging by a thread.

You dont just stop liking girls. The reason why you are not interested in girls is because your way too obsessed with your ocd than girls. Your becoming a slave to your hocd. The only way you can stop this is accepting your thoughts. Not accepting that your gay, but accepting its actually HOCD, trust me. No Gay folk in this world dont want to be gay. Being gay is normal to them ! Not to you. Thats how you now your straight. Stop being so depressed and obsessed about your OCD bro. Deep down you still like girls, dont doubt yourself about that. Be healthy, too. Sleep early, eat healthy, excersize and stay off the internet. Stop searching thins up like " HOCD symptoms " or " Gay or HOCD ? " Every single human on this planet is different. So all those things people post on the internet arent about YOU. They assume for the majority of people, so they cant exactly pin point what you really are. Private message me if you want me to help you through this. Stay strong.

Good Luck,

LoneWolf15 (: