Planning/rules as a compulsion?

Sorry for my numerous posts about OCD symptoms.

I was just wondering if planning/setting rules can be a compulsion? Let me demonstrate the planning behaviours I do that I wonder might be OCD- or are these things just normal?

1. I have to plan events as far ahead as possible. I've been trying to plan a day off in June for a couple of months but the friend I am spending the day with has to work some other stuff out and can't tell me yet. It's driving me mad because I feel I have to know now. The uncertainty is making me anxious. My wife is starting a new job soon and doesn't yet know how many days holiday she gets but I'm already trying to get her to book days off for the rest of the year so I can plan mine.

2. If I've forgotten to write something in my diary and the event has passed, I still feel I have to write it in my diary for the sake of completeness.

3. I have a to-do list at work. Fair enough and normal enough. But I have one at home too, that I do every day- an app on my phone. I put showering and washing clothes on there. I worry that if I don't add them to the list I will forget them. If we go out and I haven't done the things on my list I worry about the time and whether I'll have time to complete everything.

4. I set rules for myself about certain things I feel I have to do every weekend. As an example, 15 mins juggling and 30 mins writing. Often I don't enjoy them as I am so anxious to get the 'right amount' done and get them ticked off my list. I do occasionally not do them as I'm busy with something else, but I feel very guilty about it.

5. I am not able to be spontaneous. If I've planned to do something and plans change i get anxious. I am very unlikely to be able to do something at the last minute. Occasionally a friend will text me and ask 'do you want to go for a drink tonight?' But because I haven't planned it in advance, it makes me anxious and I say no.

I might think of other things later.

kah80 wrote:
4. I set rules for myself about certain things I feel I have to do every weekend. As an example, 15 mins juggling and 30 mins writing. Often I don't enjoy them as I am so anxious to get the 'right amount' done and get them ticked off my list. I do occasionally not do them as I'm busy with something else, but I feel very guilty about it.

5. I am not able to be spontaneous. If I've planned to do something and plans change i get anxious. I am very unlikely to be able to do something at the last minute. Occasionally a friend will text me and ask 'do you want to go for a drink tonight?' But because I haven't planned it in advance, it makes me anxious and I say no.

I might think of other things later.

I definitely have problems with these two.

I like to have visitors, but if they come unannounced they can sometimes ruin my routine and my whole day or even weekend is somehow spoiled and I can't complete the certain things I had to do at certain times. If I have to do things in a different order or a different time to how I planned them, I can't enjoy them in the same way and feel seriously tense and frustrated.

Thank you, CloudShark. I have that problem too! So sounds like it could be at least partly OCD.

Typically I've been googling to try and work out if this symptom is OCD and panicking because there is no hard evidence to say it is. Although some sites say it could be OCD related. I read something about how OCD is all about control, which I guess I knew anyway but thinking about it more, it's like our minds are out of control so we try to control other things- in my case plans, my wife, my friends, how much I eat etc.

kah80 wrote:Sorry for my numerous posts about OCD symptoms.

I was just wondering if planning/setting rules can be a compulsion? Let me demonstrate the planning behaviours I do that I wonder might be OCD- or are these things just normal?

1. I have to plan events as far ahead as possible. I've been trying to plan a day off in June for a couple of months but the friend I am spending the day with has to work some other stuff out and can't tell me yet. It's driving me mad because I feel I have to know now. The uncertainty is making me anxious. My wife is starting a new job soon and doesn't yet know how many days holiday she gets but I'm already trying to get her to book days off for the rest of the year so I can plan mine.

2. If I've forgotten to write something in my diary and the event has passed, I still feel I have to write it in my diary for the sake of completeness.

3. I have a to-do list at work. Fair enough and normal enough. But I have one at home too, that I do every day- an app on my phone. I put showering and washing clothes on there. I worry that if I don't add them to the list I will forget them. If we go out and I haven't done the things on my list I worry about the time and whether I'll have time to complete everything.

4. I set rules for myself about certain things I feel I have to do every weekend. As an example, 15 mins juggling and 30 mins writing. Often I don't enjoy them as I am so anxious to get the 'right amount' done and get them ticked off my list. I do occasionally not do them as I'm busy with something else, but I feel very guilty about it.

5. I am not able to be spontaneous. If I've planned to do something and plans change i get anxious. I am very unlikely to be able to do something at the last minute. Occasionally a friend will text me and ask 'do you want to go for a drink tonight?' But because I haven't planned it in advance, it makes me anxious and I say no.

I might think of other things later.

Omg i thought i was the only one who had all of these????? holy sh*t i have literally every single one of these too (minus the thing about juggling, most of my to-do lists are cleaning and exercise and food etc related or "needing" to get things done by a certain time "just incase" i dont get time to do everything else). these suck though bc i end up spending more time writing the lists than actually getting sh*t done then i end up getting really upset over not being able to stick to my plan bc i obsess too much to let go of my planning. i literally broke down last week because i was trying to plan ahead for a therapy appointment i had because i had to take 4 or 5 buses (im too scared to drive and it triggers my harm OCD very badly anyways) to get there (keep in mind i also dont do well with people especially in public, i have a lot of social anxiety) so i was already scared to go because of people and how much uncertainty there was bound to be (thought examples; what if the bus is late/early? what if i miss one or all of them? what if something bad happens on the bus? what if i dont make it to my appointment? what if i get there late and she has to cancel? what if she'll count it as me not showing up and then she'll stop treating me bc she thinks i wont take therapy seriously? - the centre i go to has a 3 appointment rule where if you dont show up for 3 appointments w/o cancelling in advance or giving them a reason why you didnt show or not rescheduling for a next appointment for 3 times in a row theyll kick you out - its stupid bc ill obsess over being kicked out of the center even though ive never missed more than one appointment in a row but ugh anyways thats a different topic lol) and i literally just didnt even end up going because i was too worried and stuck on planning and one of the buses didnt give me an exact place where im 100% certain i would be picked up and dropped off and idk there were all these other issues. Anyways (sorry for the rambling like usual) the whole point to all that was basically just to say that i get it too and i understand how frustrating it can be. (sorry for always saying so much ugh this "confessing" compulsion really gets on my nerves but i have to do it :/ ) anyways i think that theyre OCD related, definitely not normal when youre spending more time repeatedly writing things rather than getting them done, and yes the whole "i might forget" one is also OCD related and i also struggle with that one immensely (i have tons of other compulsions related to that too - for example ill think that if i dont hoard pictures of people who passed away or of what people used to look like then theyll die - if they didnt already- or would have "died in vain" because without keeping their pictures and looking at them id "forget what they looked like" and sh*t lol.... i hate that obsession bc like the rest of mine it always seems to tie into all these other issues that just "confirm it" - like for example with this "ill forget" one i have DID so it makes my memory awful which in turn of course makes this obsession even worse). anyways ill stop talking now lmao i hate that i always feel the need to get every single last thought out "or else" x will happen and x will whatever lol.. anyways kah80 it IS ocd related, dont let this bullsh*t throw you back into the "but what if im faking my ocd" loop, youre not, trust me

kah80 wrote:Typically I've been googling to try and work out if this symptom is OCD and panicking because there is no hard evidence to say it is. Although some sites say it could be OCD related.

It is. The list of possible symptoms is limitless and varies according to the individual.

I have a lot of the problems you listed, for example;

I have to plan events as far ahead as possible.

Plus I have to know every detail. How I'm getting there. How long the event will last. Especially how and when I will be getting home.

I am not able to be spontaneous.

I have the next week of my life planned out to the minute. There is no room for unseen occurrences, but they happen, and that results in anger.

nosynuisance wrote:most of my to-do lists are cleaning and exercise and food etc related or "needing" to get things done by a certain time "just incase" i dont get time to do everything else). these suck though bc i end up spending more time writing the lists than actually getting sh*t done then i end up getting really upset over not being able to stick to my plan bc i obsess too much to let go of my planning.

This one too. I work out on paper how much time it will take for each task because I have to live my day on a schedule. I always forget to include time spent making the list and checking it every five minutes to make changes.

nosynuisance wrote:i literally broke down last week because i was trying to plan ahead for a therapy appointment i had because i had to take 4 or 5 buses (im too scared to drive and it triggers my harm OCD very badly anyways) to get there (keep in mind i also dont do well with people especially in public

Public transport is HELL if you have OCD and anxiety. A few years back a subway train got stuck in a snowstorm and the people in it were trapped for around 36 hours. I read recently that they sued the MTA and each got $3,000 for their ordeal. I remember thinking $3,000??? That's it? That experience would have destroyed me for months (I'm a shut-in who has to be home as much as possible). I would have sued separately. $300,000,000 might make up for it.

CloudShark wrote:I like to have visitors, but if they come unannounced they can sometimes ruin my routine and my whole day or even weekend is somehow spoiled and I can't complete the certain things I had to do at certain times. If I have to do things in a different order or a different time to how I planned them, I can't enjoy them in the same way and feel seriously tense and frustrated.

Me too. Except the liking to have visitors part, but you know that. I won't even answer the door if they come unannounced. I can't. Even if I am expecting them, their presence throws me off. It's not always possible to know when they are leaving, so my list/planning/scheduling is shot to hell. I wrote something in the SPD forum about this. After visitor's leave, even if they were expected and they leave within a reasonable amount of time, I find it nearly impossible to get back into my groove. I can't just pick up and continue what I would have been doing had they not been there. I get discombobulated. It's like I have to let their presence wash off or fade away. I don't know if this is an OCD thing or a schizoid thing. Maybe neither.

Wow this is all very interesting!

I guess as they say with most OCD, it's stuff people do sometimes anyway but our brains take it to extreme? So the fact we all have these symptoms and we all have OCD must mean the OCD is causing or at least contributing to them?

I have a related issue with sleep. I have to be in bed by 10.45pm every weekday night so I get enough sleep for work. This means on the odd occasion I'm out with my wife I start to get agitated if it gets past 10pm. I used to do that with my parents and they thought I was very rude. If I'm with my wife at a friend's or something I continually nag her saying we have to go home and she gets embarrassed. Makes sense now I suspect it's OCD?

kah80 wrote:I have a related issue with sleep. I have to be in bed by 10.45pm every weekday night so I get enough sleep for work. This means on the odd occasion I'm out with my wife I start to get agitated if it gets past 10pm. I used to do that with my parents and they thought I was very rude. If I'm with my wife at a friend's or something I continually nag her saying we have to go home and she gets embarrassed. Makes sense now I suspect it's OCD?

I hope it is, otherwise I'll have something else to add to the disorder salad in my brain. I have the exact same issue with sleep. Luckily, I'm rarely in situations that keep me out late. Additionally, if I want to be in bed by 10:30 I need to start preparing by 9:00 to give me enough time for the end-of-day checking rituals.

May I ask how your wife deals with this? Luckily my last relationship was with someone who was surprisingly understanding. But I suppose there are limits. I imagine it must be maddening to deal with someone with OCD.

Marcus555 wrote:
Me too. Except the liking to have visitors part, but you know that. I won't even answer the door if they come unannounced. I can't. Even if I am expecting them, their presence throws me off. It's not always possible to know when they are leaving, so my list/planning/scheduling is shot to hell. I wrote something in the SPD forum about this. After visitor's leave, even if they were expected and they leave within a reasonable amount of time, I find it nearly impossible to get back into my groove. I can't just pick up and continue what I would have been doing had they not been there. I get discombobulated. It's like I have to let their presence wash off or fade away. I don't know if this is an OCD thing or a schizoid thing. Maybe neither.

To be honest, I don't always answer the door if they come unannounced, but Mr Shark always does. I don't answer the door because I know that it will be near on impossible to get back into my groove and the whole day will somehow be off and things won't be right. Why not call ahead or arrange a day or time? I just can't begin to describe the tension and discomfort when my routines get ruined. Then I worry that that is OCPD and not OCD.

CloudShark wrote: Mr Shark

I don't know about where you are, but here in the US, a common phrase seen on wedding announcements and the like is "Save the date!". I cringe whenever I see one of them, even if it's not addressed to me. If I ever were to get one, I would reply by saying; "I'm sorry but I am booked until the day I die."

Marcus555 wrote:

CloudShark wrote: Mr Shark

I don't know about where you are, but here in the US, a common phrase seen on wedding announcements and the like is "Save the date!". I cringe whenever I see one of them, even if it's not addressed to me. If I ever were to get one, I would reply by saying; "I'm sorry but I am booked until the day I die."

I thought it was just me! That makes me cringe too for some reason, even though it's a normal thing. Maybe it's because it sounds a bit like a request to rescue a brown wrinkly up raison-like fruit?