Need to fight compusion and can't phone psychologist

Dear CloudShark:

For your very purpose of not acting on your compulsions, it is ineffective to be cross with yourself and it is effective to be gentle, patient and forgiving of yourself.

Even if you don't believe you deserve that kind of gentleness and patience with yourself, employ these simply because they work and abandon, over time, being cross with yourself simply because it does not work.

And thank you for your words of appreciation. I enjoy communicating with you.

atina

Wise words atina. I think the critical self is rearing it's unwanted head again!

I've been a little off kilter since my last session with the psychologist. The subject of childhood came up and although I didn't go through horrendous stuff, my dad had bipolar and refused medication. It wasn't much fun for me.

To be honest, I think he might have also had OCPD (I know I shouldn't diagnose, but I have traits). He had obsessive compulsive behaviours, but wasn't anxious about them and refused to see that there was anything unreasonable about his behaviour. I don't particularly judge him for this. He had a really hard childhood and I really don't think he realised how hurtful he was with the constant criticism. He's a bit of a perfectionist who ended up sabotaging himself!

Remembering this has left me feeling unsettled and emotional for the past week.

Anyway, enough with the violins!

Dear CloudShark:

I will answer tomorrow- experiencing a maddening keyboard dysfunction, lost my "t"= pasting it every time you see it. till the morrow, take care!

atina

Dear CloudShark:

You wrote that you didn't go through horrendous stuff in your childhood. Adult children look back on their childhood and as adults compare their childhood to horror movies and horror stories heard and seen since and think: oh my childhood wasn't that bad: there was no blood and gore like in this case or that. Problem is that as a child you did not have this comparison. You didn't think to yourself, did you,: "Oh, my father being bipolar is not as bad as having a father who is psychotic and beats me up mercilessly without even remembering, or such comparison. You just suffered in your own childhood, no comparison.

Your childhood was horrendous enough to bring about the consequences you are suffering from. The proof your childhood was horrendous is not in the story and comparing your story retroactively to others'. The proof is in the pudding, that is, in the consequences.

The fact that your father had a tough childhood and may not have intended to harm you does not change the fact that he has. I too was focused on judging my mother while all along the damage she inflicted on me could not be undone with thinking about her childhood and her difficulties.

Post anytime, CloudShark!

atina

Thanks for your reply atina.

You're always full of common sense.

Dear CloudShark:

You are welcome and thank you for your comment on a thread I just read about POCD- excellent input about the difference between "normal" (none OCD) people and OCD people: none OCD people also think all kinds of thoughts, like running over people, but they don't get stuck on those thoughts, and they don't panic over thinking those thoughts, but instead let them go (I am elaborating on your point, but feel it is such a good input, that it is worth repeating).
atina