HOCD or accept my orientation... Male 25.

Good day for everybody.

This began when I was 13. When I was a child from 7 to 13 years old, I liked kissing and sexual plays with two of my male cousins. Sometimes I did the male role others the " female" role and I felt good.
I'm sure when I was a child I felt in love with a pair of boys. I wanted to stay close to them. I felt attracted to them.

(I have always been a tough kid. I do boxing and play football until now, 25. I like workout. I like to feel myself strong)

With full consciousness I was in secondary school when I felt really in love of a girl. Since that time I have felt the "real" love. I have suffered and cried a lot for them. But sometimes I felt attracted to some boys and I remember what I did when I was younger and it begins this terrible issue!! Thousands of thoughts started to take my head until now.

I have had few girlfriends. I loved them. But at my age, 25, although I have felt so excited, although I have been on a bed with them so turned on kissing and touching them. I have never had sex with any of them (neither with a man). I watch straight porn, it turns me on. I have never had the curiosity to watch gay porn. I have many friends and I like to be a leader for them. I like fighting when it's necessary for them.
Even these times I am a little sad because the last girl I couldn't date.

So, the fact I have never had sex until now, the fact about what I did with my cousins, the fact about my few girlfriends, the fact I like to exercising and looks so good and especially the fact that people saw me like a gay makes me think I'm gay and I don't want to accept it. This scares me, I wouldn't Iike to change my life, all my world would change but if I have to accept it, I have to admit it.

This has myself very worried. There are days that I can't stop thinking. I can't find the exit.

Dear EduardN:

The fact that you had sexual plays with male cousins does not mean you are gay. Such plays are common. Once you know that being touched by a male can bring you pleasure, well you know it is possible to experience sexual pleasure with a male.

About never having had sex with a woman, is it that you tried and couldn't? What was the reason, if you tried or wanted it and had the opportunity, that you didn't have sex with ex girlfriends?

atina

Hello atina.

Anwering your question, I can tell I have tried to have sex literal two or three times due to my
few relatioships, I couldnt penetrate although I have received oral sex and sexual plays. when I watch porn (heterosecual porn) I can give myself pleasure with no problem.

The issue here is that when I was a little older, even currently, I felt again attracted to some boys, and now is something that is confusing me a lot, ¿ Am I feeling romantically attracted? ¿ As I couldn't stablish a long relationship with a woman, maybe my "side" is with men? ¿ As I couldnt penetrate a woman, maybe I will be able to have sex with a man with no problem?

People saw me good look but they have never seen me with a woman and they tell me: ¿ Why dont you coming out "the closet"?

I look forward to your response

Dear EduardN:

I am not feeling good tonight. I read your post but couldn't focus. i would very much like to read your post attentively and reply to you tomorrow morning, about 12 hours from now.

Take care of yourself=
atina

Dear EduardN:

The fact that you had some sexual contacts with your cousins long ago is not an indication that you are gay. The fact that you were not able to penetrate the few women in your life when in a sexual situation is also not an indication that you are gay. And the fact that some people said to you that you not having a girlfriend means you are gay also is no such indication.

Many straight men have problems with erections and that is why viagra and such are so popular.. because there are many, many ... many straight men with erectile dysfunction, that is not able to penetrate or remain erected long enough.

Too much fear is the cause of many dysfunctions, physical and mental (in fact everything has a physical component, physical and mental). So fear is the root cause of your troubles, i believe, the sexual and OCD. It has to do with the fear you were exposed to as a child, being too young then to know what to do with that fear, so it stays with you, distressing you.

What do you think?

atina

atina:

I thank your response.

Yes, I don't think the issue is the penetration maybe this has to do with fear, pressure in my life, and now... be a virgin men Scares me the posibility... until what date I will have sex, the woman will realize maybe will mock and will tell everybody and I would be rejected

The issue when I began to get a little older is that with more coscience, I reiterate, in secondary school... mmm... I felt sexual and romantically attracted to some boys and I started to remember what I did wwith my cousins, and I collected all of this issues and I started to feel bad for the possibility that my real orientation is homosexual.

I have to tell that in although I am confused about the feelings to "men" my feeling to women is stronger but that idea doesnt leave me in peace.

And yes, also people always see me good dressed, good looking, "alone" and so educated and they assume I'm gay. On other hand, really there had been some men that have tried to hook me, this confuses me more as I haven't tried any homosexual match, they had told me : " you are a gay, don't try to hide it" Some times in other forum told me that I am bisexual, and I should try.

Imagine that! I cant find any response! If I had to cope my orientation... I won't have another option and just do it, but to my family, friends and all the people would be a shot.

Thank you so much again.