HOCD - feel hopeless, helpless, depressed and lost.

I simply feel like nothing I try will work. I know I'm not gay, but my attraction to women is pretty weak these days. I see a beautiful dude on the street, REALLY REALLY can't tell if I'm attracted or not. Today I'm confused, but I feel like tomorrow I'll see one and accept I'm really gay. I see a girl I used to find attractive, I simply think "yep, she's attractive, but wasn't I forcing anything?", or then I try to force attraction to a pretty girl but I feel nothing.

Note: I'm not anxious anymore, at least not as anxious as I was in the beginning. I'm simply feeling hopeless. I don't know what else I can do. I was on the bed till some minutes ago, I've been there literally the whole day (this is 16:00pm right now here).
I feel like I won't get my lust and attraction and horniness towards women back.

Sexual thoughts in general are the worse. I'm not feeling attracted to boobs anymore. While in bed I thought "would it be arousing to play with another guy's penis?" and when I fantasized that aroused me. I went to google and started googling but no result really helped, simply don't know what I am anymore.

Dear qazwsxedc:

Being anxious, even if you are less anxious and depressed, bored, hopeless, these emotions and state of mind is not the right state of mind to figure out your sexuality: you are just not at the right state of mind to do so. A person can feel no sexual attraction to another (male or female) simply because of being tired or depressed, drained. So no physical attraction in such a state indicates being tired and depressed. It is, in this state, not an indication of sexual orientation.

The problem, real problem is that state of mind, the reason you've been in bed all day.

atina

Hey, a few days ago i was exactly like you i have this thoughts on my mind 24/7, but now i feel that i'm like 80% better, if you're not anxious anymore means that you're in the right way, when you start to accept these thoughts you get less anxious but, i know, is very painful, you feel like you're just accepting that you're gay. But after a few weeks accepting these thoughts you just start to think they're silly, after almost 4 months struggling this i finally feel that i'm getting better. It's pretty normal that you lost your libido, i also lost mine, but now it's coming back!!!
I bet that your will also return, just stay calm, HOCD plays a lot of tricks in your mind, if you want to talk feel free to PM me, keep strong! you'll get better!

As always, thanks guys. You've been helping me a lot these times and I wish I could do something in return.
I guess the HOCD is getting weaker. Yesterday I saw a girl I like, it wasn't 'magical' nor anything like that but it was good to make her laugh and all that stuff.
Right now I'm finding some things in my past that proves that I always had this doubt (gay or not), and HOCD is trying to use this, of course.
I wanted to ask her out to watch a movie or something, but I'm afraid she won't like it (she's very gentle, she would just say she liked), and whenever this thought come into my mind, HOCD comes flying and kick my face "you don't like women, you don't like her, accept...."
Guess this is just the classic HOCD.

going off some other comments here, but at least for me, getting better isnt a straight forward path. Expect fluctuation. I know i have experienced alot of it, as Dazzed says, normal feelings will come back and youll feel better, and maybe for you its just upwards from there. However, dont get discouraged if you have some bad days in between. I have periods of time where i feel a ton of attraction to my girlfriend and just about any attractive girl and all that and then something will happen and trigger another episode and the worry comes back. However if something like that does happen to you, just know that it wont last as long or feel as bad as it initially did. Youre gonna get through this just fine, it just takes some effort, and most importantly time.

HOCD-scared1996 wrote:going off some other comments here, but at least for me, getting better isnt a straight forward path. Expect fluctuation. I know i have experienced alot of it, as Dazzed says, normal feelings will come back and youll feel better, and maybe for you its just upwards from there. However, dont get discouraged if you have some bad days in between. I have periods of time where i feel a ton of attraction to my girlfriend and just about any attractive girl and all that and then something will happen and trigger another episode and the worry comes back. However if something like that does happen to you, just know that it wont last as long or feel as bad as it initially did. Youre gonna get through this just fine, it just takes some effort, and most importantly time.

It isn't straight forward, I've had some fells already.
Yesterday night I was almost feeling like "this all doesn't make sense, I'm straight that's all". Today I've been remembering some things and it looks like I've been afraid of being gay for longer than I thought. The anxiety wasn't a "boom" like in everybody else, it was growing through months. I started testing in the last half of the past year, but the anxiety attacks only begun in January this year.

Now of course I'm worried, why was I worried of being gay when I was only a child? I'm not even sure if I was really worried but I remember watching Dragon Ball Z and there's a scene where gohan goten whatever I don't remember who were there, but they were kinda taking a bath together and I remember getting uncomfortable thinking about it (the scene doesn't show anything, of course, it's a kid show). Maybe I was thinking "what if I have to take a bath with some guy sometime in my life, and then I get excited?", but I don't remember what I was thinking back then, I jut remember being uncomfortable.

Having sex with a girl is looking more and more distant, even though I still get excited by them, my brain kinda accepted that as "a thing that I'll no longer like". And it also marked gay sex as a "thing that I'll learn how to enjoy".

Damn, I was thinking of inviting this girl to watch Batman vs Superman with me (she said she was very anxious to watch it), but what if I don't like it? What if I really really really don't like women? I can't even tell for sure if I was "girlcrazy" before all this anymore.

I've been having the exact same thoughts as you (only I'm a girl) sometimes when I get the thoughts I get really really anxious but then sometimes I don't and it feels weird not to get this reaction to the thoughts, but I've been told that when you don't get anxious about the thoughts it's a sign that they are not effecting you as much as you thought and that they are going away slowly I know that you might not believe me but honestly when I don't get anxious anymore I feel slightly better however be careful that you don't get a backdoor spike like I did cause it will come back so much worse for you.

I hope this helps
Stay strong