Hocd combined with not accepting being gay?

It seems to me you're highly distressed at the moment and desperately want reassurance.
Unfortunately if we give you more reassurance it will simply sedate you for a while, then your brain will find a way to discredit it, and you'll be back to freaking out.

Reassurance seems to work like a narcotic, it works for while but in order for it to keep working you need to keep taking larger and larger dosages.

I would highly recommend staying away from sex and alcohol for a while. Alcohol exacerbates anxiety and the sex will likely just cause more anxiety at this point; as soon as it doesn't feel amazing enough to prove to yourself that you are not gay you'll feel this is proof that you are gay. Which isn't necessarily true.

I would recommend you see a doctor about some anti-depressants/anti anxiety meds. It's hard to use any self soothing or CBT techniques when you're in such distress. The meds will help deal with the anxiety feelings so you can think clearly.

My therapist recommends distraction techniques, when I have an intrusive thought like "oh, god I must be gay" I acknowledge it as an intrusive and do something to take my mind off of it, like reading drawing or exercise. I suggest something that requires a lot of thinking and brain power to do. Like building something or baking something, it requires so much from your brain to keep track of steps and following directions that there is no space to consider anything else.

Ultimately the goal is to not have these thoughts, not figure out if you're gay or not.

I am on an ssri which has
made me able to function and its no longer obsessive like I dont think about it all day. But now all thats left is dealing with the real issue or thats how it feels- accepting my sexuality as being gay. mAybe the only way to do that is to just see a therapist and accept it. But i keep putting it in the ocd basket but even when the thoughts arent obsessive theyre just there. they dont feel intrusive i just dont like them. like i will be aroused/feel attracted to women and just try to tell myself it doesnt mean im gay but im feeling nothing twd men.

I get that, I guess my logic, (which is the logic my therapist applied to me) is this; If you don't want to be gay you don't have to, meaning you don't have to make yourself "accept" you are gay unless you want to. Same way a gay person doesn't have to "accept" or force themselves to be straight.

Being straight or gay is a minuscule aspect of our lives, if you don't want to be gay or engage in homosexual behavior you don't have to, there is no obligation to do it. Do other things, focus on a hobby or friendships or something.

If you find a person male or female you want to date/bump uglies with, go for it! but until then maybe try focusing on other aspects of your life that actually bring you joy?

Interesting. I know lots of gay people, but I've never heard any people using medicines to repress their homosexual feelings. Do you get what I'm saying? As a gay guy, I have been through stage when I wanted to repress my homosexuality, and I was suffered from depression, but I never thought medicines can erase those feelings. Those feelings for me felt so natural, but your feelings towards girls are more likely generated by OCD.

You're only 23 yrs old, it's the perfect time to do experiments. Try everything, cause why not? You doubt you have feelings for girls, then go for it. You can talk to a girl, "Hey girl, I think you're cute. Can we hang out sometimes?"etc. She might ask you,"Are you gay?" You just tell her you're doing experiment. There's nothing wrong with that, and there is nothing harmful to make out with a girl. Try it. You might have to try 10 girls to know whether you like it or it's OCD. Say if someone is afraid of spider, how can ze overcomes this fear? Ze has to affront the spider, hiding from it doing nothing helpful.

Hope you can be better. There are always people here support you.

I hope my advice didn't come off as repressing homosexual feelings. I meant as in the doubt of weather or not I'm straight or not caused a lot of distress, after I took my meds the distress went away and I personally was able to see that it was obsessive analyzing and overthinking.

I know how those thoughts and doubts can cause a lot of stress and pain, and thought it would help.

Typical LGBT answer suggesting experiment. "Just try it" is the exact _opposite_ thing to do if a person has OCD period. If a person doesn't want to they don't have to, you shouldn't push your view that they should experiment just because that's how things worked for you on others.

Woah whoa let's not get aggressive, this is a positive place. It was suggested that experimentation might help, same as I suggested that medication might help.

Nice suggestion but I don't see how It will help especially considering she really doesn't want it. At the very least she will need to build up exposure first at smaller levels. She also appears to care way too much for labels.

That wasn't aggression, that was stating the obvious. What I do know and my therapist agrees is that meds alone do not help though. She needs to be proactive in making changes in herself and seeking good enough therapy to hope for success.

I mean these thoughts toward women pretty
much never go away they just lessen and i ignore
it like i will always feel like im checking out women more and get this sensation in my groin (ive had POCD and it felt different i could
tell it was a groinal this doesnt). i barely ever if ever feel attracted to men. but i get happy if i *feel* attracted to a guy maybe bc its a way of repressing my homosexual feelings. like jf a man and woman r side by side ill probably check out the woman mich more ans find them more *sexual* and men ill glance at pretty much. i think. idk. i know i continue to write it out but i feel i have to. i mean i know someday ill figure this stuff out. like 5 years ago i was writing about this same OCD but as i get older im getting tired. eventually ill either experiment with a girl or i wont i suppose. but probably will if i dont even wanna be with a guy. i know my thoughts & feelings may also be distorted. i tend to tell my close friends i might be a lesbian and give them reasons and they kinda laugh and i kinda tell them well dont be surprised if i come out one day. as a way to buffer in case i realize it and come out they wont be blindsided lol. and its not just about labels its more like i wanna figure out if its true attraction for women (probably is) and if so do i have any attraction toward men? or is it all forced? either way i know im not forced into doing anything. but i hate how i occasionally have dreams that r arousing about women i feel like ive totally lost control and i need to wake up sexually and just accept that i have these feelings toward women. At this point thanks to paxil i have gotten rid of so much anxiety and panic. The thing about exposure is fine and dandy. i work on that every day. But i dont feel so much anxiety toward that thankfully. i guess i shouldnt keep waiting around trying to figure out if ill feel attracted to guys. straight ppl dont go thru this. their attraction doesnt just go away. and was it ever even there u know. also ill see two chicks make out and ill get turned on feeling but its like i dont have a desire. idk maybe i do and i just push it away but i def will get a turned on feeling that unfortunatey overpowers the other stuff and i wish i had that twd men too but it feels different. i know this doesnt make any sense but yea.

People have all sorts of random sex dreams. I sometimes have them about women and don't feel that it means I'm a repressed lesbian.

I had HOCD really badly as a teenager and in my early 20s and it only went away once I stopped obsessing and ruminating about my sexual orientation and decided that it didn't matter. Such is the nature of OCD.

I hope you can find peace with it, without the OCD latching on to another fear.