Obsessing over limerence

Since I found out about limerence, I've been obsessing over it. It's exactly the same thing as happened when I first suspected that I had OCD. Googling the symptoms, checking myself against them, asking for reassurance. It's even harder with limerence because it's not something that can be diagnosed. At least with OCD, when I'm doubting it I can reassure myself that I was diagnosed.

Yesterday I posted on a limerence forum about a specific symptom I was worried I didn't have. When the person replied I demanded 'but do I have limerence or not?!' They told me I was too obsessed with the labels, which is true. But my brain is demanding to know 100% whether I have limerence and I keep doubting it.

I was obsessed with BPD for a while but the difference there is that I kept trying to prove I had it. With both OCD and limerence I'm trying to prove I don't have it by saying 'but I don't have ... Symptom!' So I think it's likely I have limerence, but it's doing my head in thinking about it like this. Also, my friend says that obsessing over the symptoms of limerence is making me feel them more strongly. With OCD, one of my symptoms is needing to touch things with both hands. Then I read about someone who can't even sit on buses as if someone is sat next to him it feels unbalanced and I started to worry I had that symptom too and thinking about it made it feel like I did. With limerence, I read how it's basically that you are longing for someone constantly and now whenever I see the woman I have a crush on at work I think 'God I am longing for you so badly' and it makes me feel the symptoms even more. Today it was so bad I could hardly get any work done. I had it badly before but this is worse.

I even started worrying that I was thinking about limerence so much that either my OCD is suddenly cured or I never even had it, but I think from what I've written above the OCD is definitely obvious?!

It does sound a lot like the BPD obsession from what you describe. It's that need to know and have certainty. I end up going on forums for reassurance and checking when I get a 'need to know' obsession.

Yeah. I was even about to say to you 'but I do have OCD, right?' Sigh.

Hey kah80

I went through the exact same thing you did a few years ago when I was in university. I went to a therapist and it didn't help. The problem was that I wanted answers, but couldn't accept i when the therapist couldn't offer any. Are you limerent? Perhaps you aren't perhaps you are. The problem with OCD is the incessant desire to arrive at a conclusion. OCD can never be satisfied by an answer though - it will find a way to dispute it an insert more doubt into your life. OCD is a doubting disease. The only way to overcome it is to accept that there are no answers.

I grew up experiencing incredibly long and intense fatuations. Once I read about limerence I went into two years of melancholy/depression. My OCD convinced me that I would be alone and miserable forever - I convinced myself that I was destined to lead an awful life and that I would never be happy. Two years later Im living in NYC, living with my girlfriend, with a job I love. Is my life perfect? Certainly not, I still have problems like anyone else; but the key to my 'recovery' was accepting that while there may be answers to lifes questions, my mind is incapable of figuring them out. You must accept that your mind will never answer the questions you ask it. It will provide short term relief my geenrating an answer, and then it will generate a thought to make you doubt that answer. The interesting thing I noticed was that after a while of stopping looking for answers, the answers just kind of came to me through experience. It is crucial to emphasize this - answers come througb experience, not thinking.

I would reccomend you read material on mindfulness and visit the website of Dr. Steven Phillipison. WHat he says will probably make so much sense to you.Visit a psych about an SSRI if you think it may be nessecary. I take Lexapro and I think it puts me in a better place.

Remember - embrace uncertainty. Accept that you will never know the answers to all of ifes questions.

Hmm but yet experiences don't define you either.. And ocd can use experiences and memories against you too.

What dosage of Lexapro are you on? It's done nothing for my hocd so far. I just recently upped it to the maximum dose so I'll have to see when that kicks in.

Thanks. Yeah I definitely feel like I need answers and I can see that it's the OCD making me feel like that. It's like how I have to know which ones of my 'symptoms' are OCD and which other things. It seems vitally important to me to know.

I'm pretty sure I have limerence but am struggling with the fact that it can't be diagnosed and so how can I ever be sure? But it all fits, even down to the 'causes'.

I'm on mirtazapine but I don't think that helps with OCD. I don't really want to come off it and try something else as I can't sleep without it.

Plus I think my OCD is fairly mild anyway?

Hey, so by "experience" I just meant that if you live life and stop trying to figure things out, the answers will come naturally i.e just by living. The "aha I have the answer" moment never ever comes - the only moment you can hope for is the "aha I dont have the answers, never will, and thats ok".

Im on 10mg of lexapro - its basically a flotation device. Think it gives me somem balance. I cant be sure it does all that much really.

If you want some sort of example of how things can change then consider the following

Me two years ago
- I have been limerent my whole life, my whole psyche is ###$, I have such profound attachment issues - I will never be a healthy person
- I will be single my whole life
- I will only ever experience obsessive love, never true love

Me now
- I am no longer limerent
- I am truly in love with my girlfriend - who I now live with.
- I accept that I have psychological issues, but they are no more profound then any other normal functioning human. The only difference is that I used to analalyze myself so much that I turned myself into this amazlingly complicated being. At the end of the day we are all quite simple.

I understand exactly what you mean by "It all fits" it was the same with me. I'd check the symtoms every day and find that it just made so much sense and explained my whole life to me. Eventually I just accepted that its an underresearched area of psychology and stopped trying to "figure it out" - your brain will literally change its neural pathways if everytime "limerence" comes into your head, you refuse to try and explore or analyze it.

These message sof mine are extremely muddled as im busy these days, but email me (hmchugh@tcd.ie) and Ill try and answer any questions you might have.

Like you, my OCD is fairly mild. I have a tendency towards obsessive thinking more than anything else.

Thanks, might send you an email. I'm having a problem lately with thinking I fancy anyone attractive. I keep trying to work it out trying to get an answer, which I think fits with what you described.