Are these considered obsessions?

Hello Everyone,

I am currently going through HOCD or denial for the last 9 months. I don't know what to do anymore and it is infuriating. The funny thing is I don't even care if I am gay; A couple of my friends are gay and couldn't care less if others thought I was gay. I have heard that when people have HOCD if they become indifferent to the idea it goes away. I feel indifferent to the idea of being gay but that doesn't stop me from constantly having thoughts about. I am 19 and have only crushed on girls, fantasized about girls. But now, I am constantly bombarded with thoughts about how I am gay. If I see a good looking guy, my mind tells me I want to be with him.Sometimes I have random thoughts about having sex with guys or kissing. None of it is enjoyable nor do I get aroused. I decided to figure things out I would watch gay porn. I couldn't get aroused but my mind kept telling me it is because I didn't want to be. I watched it a few times after that first experience to prove it again but I could never get aroused. You would think this would end it but then I just move on to another aspect of being gay. On the plus I have a lot less sexual thoughts about men but that just increased the number of thoughts telling me I want to marry a man or I am gay etc. I feel like I am losing attraction to women as well.

I had a therapist in college who says it is just my anxiety but that didn't really help stop the thoughts. She never said I had OCD or anything so I am curious whether some of my other past thoughts are considered obsessions.

When I was in 6th grade I got mugged, since then I am afraid of going outside where my parents live. If I hear anyone one talking I think they are talking about me and I start to plan out what I would do if they decided to beat me up. I started making rules on how to be safe, I couldn't play sports past noon. I quit all school extra curriculars cause I was afraid of getting home past 4:00 PM. I am lot better cause my college is in a better area.

For a period I thought I was attracted to my younger sister but that was a long time ago and wasn't as strong as the other thoughts so I can't remember to much about it.

Last year I started losing my hair even though I am 18 which made me incredibly depressed. I spent all day for about 4 months taking pictures of my hair, looking in mirrors, researching treatment. Then last year I thought I had diabetes for about a month. It was scary cause I actually started thinking I was feeling the symptoms. I had to pee every 30 min, I thought I was thirst all the time, my feet would get hot. I new it would be highly unlikely that I had diabetes cause I was 18, healthy, and also had completed an h1ac test a month before which returned normal. Once the thoughts stopped so did the symptoms. Does OCD lead to physical symptoms?

Currently I am on health leave from school due to depression and anxiety. I want to be able to return back healthy and happy so I can graduate so any advice would be appreciated.

Thank YOU

Regarding physical changes, anxiety can do almost anything or mimic other problems.

Yes, it seems like you are obsessing. Stop watching porn. Being Gay is more than just having sex with the same gender. Think of it the other way around, is a heterosexual relationship simply based on sex, and nothing else? What about nurturing each other, or living with each - a true romantic partnership?

I would advise first seeing a general doctor, to discuss some of the physical changes you are going through as well as anxiety. And then get a therapist, to discuss the obsessiveness.