POCD Question - Please answer if you have POCD

*trigger warning*

Has anyone here with POCD ever over-analyzed everything to such an extent that you started questioning if you were even truly attracted to your significant other or to whatever you thought you are attracted to be it male/female?

I just feel like my ocd has got me to the point of thinking that I'm just putting on an act and am not even really attracted to my boyfriend and that I truly want children and it gets even to the point of like my mind trying to find ways to convince me that I am actually attracted to them.. like I'll think about something I like about kids such as their energy and carefree nature and then I'll think because I like those traits then I am attracted to them. Or I'll even think about how they are pretty much no different than adults physically except just being smaller, so maybe I am attracted to them, maybe I just am an animal that's attracted to everything. This bothers me.

Or I even had this thought that I am attracted to them just because they are different from me, because I want to be different than everyone else and make things more exciting so my brain tells me that's what would make it more exciting (like as if being with my boyfriend who I LOVE and find extremely gorgeous and amazing, as if that's not exciting enough or fulfilling enough or something, like my brain can't enjoy just being with him and being happy, noooo, can't have that, have to make things complicated) to like something that is so different from myself. I don't know if that makes any sense, I feel like I'm the ONLY one who goes THAT deep into these thoughts... like is this even OCD anymore? Maybe I am just attracted to everyone or something? :\

What the hell is wrong with me. PLEASE if you have POCD let me know if you've ever analyzed to this extent in your mind. I really reallllly really need to know that I'm not the only one to go this deep into it, it's driving me insane because I can't tell anything apart in my mind anymore. I can't tell what's real half the time, I swear. But I feel like all my mind does these days is get triggered by the smallest things and then try to give me all the reasons in the world to convince me that I am actually into kids or into whatever taboo thing I'm worried about at the time, but it's usually geared towards younger ages.

I'm breaking down crying right now. I am so over OCD. I just want it to end. Lately I have no idea why but I've been so concerned about if I have children one day. I don't even want kids. But all I can think lately is what if I have them one day and end up being attracted to them, to my own kid. I don't get why this is even a thing in my mind. Why this is even a concern, like how did it ever come to this? Why do I do this to myself? I need peace. :\

Are you saying you've had bi fears too?

jdd wrote:Are you saying you've had bi fears too?

I used to have fears of being gay or bi, but honestly after a while I decided that I really didn't care if I was gay or bi and that if I was I'd just accept it. After I stopped caring about that, the OCD and fear of it stopped so I don't really worry about that anymore, my OCD is almost all geared towards worrying about being attracted to children now, which I still had this worry back then too but now since the gay/bi fear is gone, it focuses totally on the children fear. Particularly my worry of ever having my own kids and going through OCD stuff and the possibility of feeling that I am attracted to them scares the crap out of me. I probably won't ever even have children honestly but yet here I am worrying to death over it.

-- Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:26 pm --

but I do get intrusive thoughts and images and worries about both genders when it comes to children, for whatever reason it doesn't matter it's just children in general that triggers me

What you are going through sounds very similar to what I have been through myself. I have read that when you have intrusive thoughts like that, you can trick your brain into thinking that is what you want. People like us with OCD, get stuck on those thoughts and make them a really big deal.

I dont even know you and I can tell that you are not attracted to children, your brain is just messing with you everyday. Anxiety really sucks... but that is all it is... anxiety.

I had POCD. I suffered from it for a long time. You need to stop what you're doing. You are only making it worse for yourself. Please find professional help.

Yes, I definitely feel similar to you. Today is a good day and I know I'm not attracted to children but there were moments when I thought I really was. My POCD also used to fixate on girls in a certain age but it changed into fixating more on boys which shows that it's OCD, I think.
I think I said that on another post, too, but we have a kind of attraction towards many people but this attraction isn't necessarily romantic or sexual. A straight male can see that another man is attractive but that doesn't mean he's attracted to that person.

Yes i had the same type of thoughts yesterday. It all felt so real but it wasn't. You know why i know that bc of the constant worry and anxiety.

Oh, you're definitely not alone. I've had those same thoughts of "maybe I'm just an animal who is attracted to everything". As others have said, OCD blows innocent and normal feelings out of proportion and tries to convince you things are about sex when they aren't.

I'll think about something I like about kids such as their energy and carefree nature and then I'll think because I like those traits then I am attracted to them.

I love animals and I remember when I was younger reading a post online where someone mentioned finding their dog sexually attractive, and I remember wondering "how can I tell that the way I feel when I look at a cute dog isn't the same thing they're describing" even though it had never occured to me before that moment to think of dogs sexually. This seems ridiculous in hindsight, but OCD is like that. It tries to find evidence when there is really nothing there.