Obsessed with People

Hello!

This may sound strange, but I get weirdly obsessed with people. I have been diagnosed with Pure O OCD and Bipolar Disorder, but these obsessions...dude I just need some moral support.

Currently, I am obsessed with a friend, and I am proud to say that we truly are friends. Also, almost all the people I get obsessed with I am also friends with, and I am always obsessing over someone. However, these obsessions have also led to the demise of several important friendships.

Back to the story, I have been obsessed with this friend for around 3 months now. Our relationship is relatively new and exciting and we are not romantically involved. I have been thinking about this friend 24/7, from the moment I fall asleep until the moment I wake up for the last 3 months. I see this friend on a regular basis, as I am working with her on an undergraduate research project.

My obsessions consist of the following--our future conversations, her reactions to me, what she's thinking about, what she's doing, things I can make for her so she likes me more (i.e. crafts, I also write poems and share those with her), whether I am coming on too strong in our relationship, etc.

There are a couple of things that bother me about these obsessions. The first is that they are mentally draining and they distract me from my actual life, including situations where I actually need/want to be paying attention. Secondly, the obsessions really screw with my emotions. When I am with my friend, I am on cloud 9. My thoughts run fast, we crack jokes, we have great chemistry, everything is great. However, when I am not with her, I am still constantly thinking about her. This makes me extremely sad and angry, and I think back to our past conversations to make sure I did say anything that would have endangered our friendship. I feel like I have a hematoma of emotion swelling in my guts, and I go for a run/ride my bike/exercise to get this energy out, but that usually doesn't help and I just get angrier, sadder, and more hyped.

Then I'll get a really happy thought like, "I could write my friend a poem!" so I spend hours writing poems or making art for this friend, and I get really excited about giving it to her the next time I see her.

Then I'll get really sad/angry again, etc.

Point is, is that it's a vicious cycle involving obsessive thoughts of my friend and my emotions.

Anyone else have similar experiences? If so, any advice?

Thanks in advance

Question- are you attracted to this friend? do you think about being with them romantically? Or do you just really want them as a friend?

I am not physically attracted to this friend, nor do I think about being involved with her romantically. She is quite a bit older than me, and I view her as an older sister. My main concern is that I am going to come on too strongly and lose the friendship (I have done this on several occasions with multiple people I become "obsessed" with.)

Ok- I was trying to work out if this was limerence, which I suffer from. But that's all about romantic attractions so obviously not relevant.

Having said that, I do have a similar problem with friends. Like you, I have scared some friends off by being too obsessive. I want to text them all the time and if they don't reply immediately to me I start to panic that they don't care and I want to say things to get their attention. Still haven't worked out whether it's OCD but there are definite obsessions and compulsions (such as getting their attention, if I'm not in contact with a friend I assume no one is thinking of me and no one cares).

Does that sound anything like your experience? Can you identify compulsions?

Yeah, I can for sure resonate with that. I constantly think of ways to get their attention and endlessly hypothesize how I will act next time I see them so I leave a stark impression. This usually involves me acting very strange, quirky, and hyped, which are all part of my personality but they are especially magnified in my interactions with them. This usually shocks them and makes them more interested in me, which I believe is the intended effect.
However, I try my hardest to limited my compulsions, such as texting them all the time or giving them things or constantly doing things for them, and meet them halfway especially in our non face-to-face interactions.
But the last 3 months (since I first started obsessing over this friend) has gotten especially out of hand in terms of mental obsessions and compulsions. I get angry at all the people she's interacting with because I want her only interacting with me. Like you, I worry when I don't hear a response from her and I constantly look into our past conversations to make sure I didn't say anything that would jeopardize our friendship. Plus, it's leading to some serious mood swings, which I think is normal and understandable. However, I need to keep special tabs on this to make sure I don't go hypomanic or depressed.

I can relate to that. I have a best friend who I've only known a few months but when she goes out with other friends I get jealous. Luckily she has issues too and knows about mine and I've been upfront with her about my jealousy, whilst telling her of course she can have other friends, it's just that I do feel jealous when I see her with them.

That's cool how you can be so open with your friend about this! I have never talked to my friends about this issue nor did I recognize that this was an issue until a couple of years ago. I guess I thought that everyone obsessed over people.
It would be a true test of friendship to tell the person you're obsessed over that you are obsessed with them. It would take a very special person to understand that. I don't think I could do it.

Yeah she is a very special person. I mean she doesn't know I'm obsessed exactly but she knows how I can be about friendships and she's fine with it.

Actually I've been doing a lot of writing lately about various issues and one of them I wrote was about friendship. Maybe it will help if I show it to you:

If you are my friend, I will annoy you at times. I will get too much. I will worry you. I will be needy and demanding.

I will want your attention all the time. I will send you constant emails and text messages. If I don't get immediate replies from you I will imagine you hate me and don't care about me. I will cry over your perceived hatred of me.

I will feel jealous when I see you with other friends who I imagine you care more for than me. I will feel jealous when you talk about other friends.

If you invite me to things, I will think it is out of pity and that you don't really want me there.

Sometimes I will forget to ask how you are and talk only about myself.

I will trust you with things that sometimes you might wish I hadn't told you.

I might start to think I have more feelings for you than just friendship.

I may drive you away with my constant demands for attention and bring you down with my self-pitying talk.

At other times I might withdraw from you completely, because I think you don't care or I've upset you or you're mad at me.

I am sorry. It is only because I need you so much.

Thank you so much for sharing. It was very poignant and I can for sure relate to it.
I do writing as well. Though I express myself through slightly different means. I write poems about people I truly care about and sometimes I share them with those people.

Do you think I should share one with my friend if the right moment arises?

for example, here is one I wrote

hands

to the peals of laughter filed
in the red folder
in the top drawer of
the ikea filing cabinet
to the asteroids found in
mom’s telescope
to the baking flour snow
tracked by toddler feet
to the pictures of aunts
and nieces
and invisible nephews
to the schizophrenics
to the manic
to the depressed
to the old journals filled
with poems
to the things you taught me
about ears
ventricles
resonance
to the waves that emanate
from your hands
Jessica
it’s sad
to forget a friend
to remember someone by the sound of
his voice
this planet is too small
for
the pain
we feel
and the joy
we deserve
thinking with the heart is hard
and thanking someone for something
is not always as easy as a note
hug
or handshake
thanks in its purest form
is
red
vulnerable
extraordinary
thanks is given to all
the ordinary things
one friend does for
another because
that friend has been there
and made it out
more understanding
more compassionate
more loving
and the truth of it is
friends will always be there
in the peals of laughter filed
in the red folder
in the top drawer
of the ikea filing cabinet
thanks,
your friend

Thank you.

Your poem is amazing. Yes maybe it would be a good thing to show your friend? As long as you don't think it would scare them off. I've shown mine to a number of friends but I guess there are some I wouldn't feel comfortable doing so to.

I still wonder if our friend issues are OCD or something else. It's hard to know sometimes?