Short post! Help.. please?

Hey.. I've struggled with all my life, specifically pure O and more specifically POCD or just sexual thoughts in general. I'm freaking out over this thought I had just a little bit ago. There's this show that I watch and on it there is this girl who is 15, and she is just the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Well, while watching the show today I just had this thought "if I were her parent, I'd abuse her." and then right after I was like WTF? Why the hell did I think something like that? & now all I can think is that while I know I'd never abuse anyoneee, I have this doubt in my mind of like what if I ever have a kid and I think such a thing or find him or her to be super beautiful like that and think that I want to harm her? I'm terrified of ever having kids anyway have been for a while because of this disorder. And when I had that thought earlier it didn't even feel like that much of an intrusive one so I feel very disturbed by it but my ocd has been high the past week. But I'm worried I actually meant that thought.. What is my problem? I'm a monster. Obviously there must be some part of me that wants to be abusive or something for me to have such a thought.

Dear ydntk123:

No thought can make you a monster! Whatever thought you have at any time does not make you a good or bad person. A thought is such a quick mental event, a quick part of a second, and there it is: a thought. I had OCD for 50 years and I thought millions of thought by now. Most of them just happen... all day long. A few of them get my attention. And I understand how your thought got your attention!

But the thing is, you have thousands and thousands of thoughts every day and some of them are as strange as the one you had but they don't scare you so you don't notice. In other words: many of our thoughts don't make sense. We think them just because we have the time to think and anything can come up!

I used to be so angry as a child I thought all kinds of thoughts. I thought I was a freak and a sadist. But they were only thoughts fueled by my anger. Your thought was fueled I guess by your male to female attraction or appreciation of that girl's beauty.

I hope you feel better.

atina