People, my Gay-OCD actually changed to be Bi-OCD, because i actually managed to win it with one and only rational thought... that was: "If i was actually gay, i would have never loved someone that much as i love my current girlfriend"... And actually, while i was still having HOCD, my best times were when i was with her, so i managed to get over it... but now i keep wondering... I have had a same sex experience when i was younger, with a friend of mine, i was 7 years old at the time and, still at that age, i had crushes on girls. Then, my father discovered it, because that one friend was son of my father's friend, and we had this experience when i was at his house (we sucked each other, and made contact with our tongues - it was not a kiss, just contact tongue-tongue) and we got caught by his older sister. Then, my father, when he discovered shouted at me, saying "Do you want to be like this gay people around there?"... and i, crying, said "no!" (I didn't actually know what i was doing at that time, despite i knew it was something forbidden, and i remember we actually liked it a little it at the time, but i think that it was because we were childs, and didn't know what we were doing). I never had crushes on guys, never wanted to be with one and always found this possibility and though terrible, disgusting and non sense (No mean to offend, im not homophobic, though my family is), when it eventually popped into my mind, as everyone experiences. It was always girls for me, and i always had a crush no my current girlfriend... like, a really big crush... i fell in love with her when i was still little, so, yeah. Then, i developed this HOCD and now it is gone, but i am having this fear that i might be bi... but i actually don't want to and don't find it amusing or arousing... i just want to be the old good me, that liked only girls and never thought about that type of stuff... could i actually "turn" BI, after all this years only liking girls, never wanting man, and finding it disgusting when i thought about it?
-- Fri Feb 26, 2016 8:13 pm --
Remembering that i don't find this thoughts amusing ou arousing...i see them as intrusive and don't actually want to have them... Actually i'm confused... i don't know if i am repressing it or if this is actually just OCD and i don't like them... and this confusion brings me fear and sadness. But i actually never wanted to be with a men and actually never even imagined it... i never liked it.