POCD Issues - Need Advice! :(

Hi all.
This is going to be somewhat tough to explain, but I'll try my best. I have had OCD since I was about 16 years old, (27 now), and for several years, I've suffered with POCD but I've managed to calm stress from it down. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, but sometimes it does. The only time it does is when I am around a certain type of child. Typically a little boy, depending on how they act and look. I absolutely HATE this about myself and have even lost weight over the stress from it. But I often find myself having uncontrollable sexual thoughts and feelings towards children. Anyways, I was sitting at the Doctors office a couple of weeks ago and a woman walked in with her son, I'm guessing about 3 years old. He actually kind of annoyed me with the way he was acting in the office, BUT naturally, I started having sexual thoughts and feelings and I was trying to ignore them. It was making me sad.

To make everything worse, I forced myself to imagine if he was my child, and I got somewhat excited and aroused thinking I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. The thought happened for a second and immediately, I wanted to die. I FELT TERRIBLE ABOUT IT AND HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED SINCE. I keep thinking I'm definitely a pedophile and I hate this! I NEVER EVER want to have sexual FEELINGS and arousal towards any child.

I'm happily in a relationship with a grown man and I always want to keep it that way.

Is this a part of OCD or do I really have issues?

Someone please help.

This is OCD. For a few reasons. Let's clear some stuff up, P's don't care about their attraction to the younger people. They think it's okay and they don't hate themselves for it. They ENJOY it. When I mean enjoy it they actual really enjoy everything about whoever it is they are attracted to. So the first sign is that you are afraid you are a P, which basically means your not.

Secondly, any type of sexual thought WILL get you aroused. It's not whoever you are thinking of that gets you aroused, it is the sexual aspect to it. You can think of anything sexually and get aroused from it. It does not mean you are attracted to it. It's the same thing for thoughts and fantasies. It's sexual in nature, so therefore you are thinking of the feeling of it etc, that can make you aroused.

Last, you are attracted to older men, like your man himself. If you put him and a young person side by side, you would choose him in a heart beat. No doubt about it. Why? Because you are attracted to him. Not the young person. Relax, you are okay.

Oh and please believe me. You can be sexually arouses by any sexual thought. It's just human nature. The content doesn't matter, as long as it's sexual. So you are torturing yourself by "testing"...arousal does not mean attraction. Arousal means arousal, due to sexual stimuli. Being attracted means when that person walks in you feel a lust towards them that you can't control. It's not something you need to think about. This is where it gets hard to differentiate, because you can think of a sexual thought and get aroused. But like I said, do you like small skinny little bones? Nope. You want a muscular man

Thank you for your quick response, I appreciate that. You're right, I'm only attracted to my man.
But can OCD really trick your mind into thinking you would want to do that to a child and make you get excited over it for a second?! Because that's just crazy.

Lee88 wrote:Thank you for your quick response, I appreciate that. You're right, I'm only attracted to my man.
But can OCD really trick your mind into thinking you would want to do that to a child and make you get excited over it for a second?! Because that's just crazy.

OCD can do anything, seriously. It even make you BELIEVE thoughts that weren't true. The thoughts feel so vivid and you believe them. That's how strong OCD is. I really shouldn't say OCD, I should say the brain. Your brain reacts faster than you can ever imagine, your brain works so fast and takes in so much data so quick that by the time you thought something your brain is ready to respond and OCD already slipped in that you don't even notice it. I am talking. Super fast, that's why these seem so real. Those days/times you didn't have OCD would you find yourself staring and looking at young people and thinking stuff to yourself? I would say no you didn't, whenever your brain is out of the OCD that's who you are. Again, push aside and crazy thoughts or fantasies or whatever. Because like I said sexual thoughts get you aroused no matter what. I highly doubt you are a P. I read on here where a lot of P's said they are not attracted to people their age. You are attracted to your bf who is your age/around your age. Therefore you have nothing to worry about. If you find people around your age it is HIGHLY unlikely you are a P. That's that. So to answer your question, yes it is possible because the thought is sexual in a manner. It's the sexual aspect you are thinking about. All humans think about is sex, and every time it is brought it up arouses us, regardless of what is in our mind. Don't pay attention to the thought. Use your OCD tools to fight this.

One more thing, you can find young people "cute" and "beautiful" and stuff. We all admit we can tell an ugly person from a "cute" person, no matter their age. All the way from being born until the day they die, we can judge how someone looks. Just because you find them "cute" and "attractive" does not mean you are attracted to them. Being attracted to the is totally different, may seem hard to differentiate. So put it like I said, do you want a big muscular old man? Yes you do. Same goes for guys we want big buts and big boobs, that attracts US, we are attracted to that. It's very hard to distinguish I know. But OCD makes it a big fog. I suggest going to a therapist, and possibly taking down supplements!

It has helped me stay calm with my OCD. I take B6, gaba, ashgawanda, and Magnesium. The magnesium is a drink called "calm" idk who makes it but just go to vitamin shoppe and ask, they will know what it is. Before you do so tho, check in with a healthcare providing about it, because I do not want to suggest anything that may cause harm to you.

I will consider those vitamins.. thank you! I have to keep reminding myself about how I felt right after I had that thought and those immediate feelings. I felt super depressed afterwards. I would never ever in a million years harm a child and I know that some people out there actually masturbate to pictures of children and stuff to test to see how they feel. I could never even do THAT!

My brain is so weird... it bothered me a lot when it first happened at the doctors office but I managed to let it go for a few days, then BAM, it started to drive me crazy again.

Be careful with taking vitamins because they aren't regulated and not always listing what's actually in them.

That other poster said a lot of what I would say, I guess I'll just reiterate by saying that OCD will be stronger when you try to fight it and will make you feel awful about a thought--because then you become afraid of that thought and it becomes even stronger in your mind. Like the "don't think of an elephant" thing. If someone says don't think of an elephant, you will think of an elephant automatically. And if you felt awful about yourself every time you thought about an elephant, you'd be scared of thinking about elephants. This would make you think about them even more often because you KNOW you're afraid of this thought, so it's on your mind more often than if you felt neutral toward the thought, because then you wouldn't care and it wouldn't be on your mind as often. The thing that lets you know you're not a P in this case is that you feel awful about having this thought--this is OCD. It's an intrusive thought about something you KNOW isn't what you're about, but because you think it, you get doubts ("what if I really am a P", "why do I feel aroused", etc.) and this makes the fear of the thought even stronger and thus reinforces your OCD-related anxiety.

You clearly feel terrible about having these thoughts, so you have no reason to worry about being a P, only about getting some treatment for your OCD so you can live a less stressful day-to-day One way to help with this is to "accept" your intrusive thoughts. Don't accept the thoughts as being "right" or "wrong", just accept that you had the thought, that you don't believe or agree with the thought, then let the thought pass. Just try practicing letting those thoughts go. The more strongly you judge and react to those intrusive thoughts, the more depressed and anxious you'll make yourself each time you have them, and the more often you'll have them. Be at peace knowing it's your OCD causing these thoughts and then let those thoughts leave and don't obsess over them or judge yourself for having had them. No one can control their thoughts, especially those of us with anxiety who get hurled thought after distressing thought.

Use your correct tools for fighting OCD though!

One I like to use is this "is it possible?" Answer: "yes" "But is it likely?" Answer: "no" or "maybe, maybe not"

You see? Look up some tools for OCD online and keep using them! Don't give up! I got horrible OCD on Sunday, and ever since practicing and taking my vitamins and stuff I have gotten a whole lot better! I mean I still kind of have the OCD, but I am blow away by how much it has gone down because of everything I am doing! You can do it as well! Start giving. Yourself some relief! Do not blame yourself or make yourself feel hated for the thoughts that pop up, because it's OCD! Like I said, being a P would have been extremely noticeable in you every day non-OCD life, and it wasn't.

Just don't use too much reassurance, as that is just not the right thing to do. Use the correct tools to fight this OCD. We are all here with you, we are strong. You are not the only one struggling with this same exact thing! Look on the forum! Many many people with OCD have this same exact theme, so do not feel alone! We are all in the battle together!

OCD about AIDS used to be really common. I guess back then it was in the media constantly and many people thought that catching AIDS was one of the most terrifying things that could happen to someone.

It stands to reason that lots of people have POCD these days. It's one of the most terrifying and taboo subjects and being a P would be the most terrible thing on earth to just about anyone who isn't a P themselves. That's why OCD picks on it.

It's always in the news. Hell, I can't remember the last time I read the news because seeing a headline about it is too triggering for my POCD.