OCD- cant stop checking my bf's browsing history

Hello guys,
so here is the thing....I have this OCD where I have to check my bf's browsing history or othervise i feel anxiety. Trust me this is something i don't want to do and it's a hard situation for me. I talked to my bf and told him i have this OCD and i checked his browsing history, luckely he wasnt mad and saw nothing wrong with that...maybe it would be easier for me if he got mad.
I feel this strong urge to check and if i dont huge anxiaty kicks in. How can i fight this? Sometimes I stop doing that but i feel this anxiaty wont go away until i check....I think what if he has soething i have to find out, what if, what if. I feel awful and don't know what to do anymore. Should i stop doing that even if its hard? Will anxiaty then go away after some time? I am scared it wont ever go away. Should i fight the urge? Please help me.

Of course you should fight that urge, sweetie. It could be damaging to your relationship over the long run.

Assuming it's unjustified, ofc.

For me, initially not falling for a compulsion is hard. It's hard to turn your back and walk away from checking. What it???? Omg, what if???? But....

But it gets easier, the more you do it. There's no special trick to it; you simply have to do it. Like there's no magic that makes jumping in a cold swimming pool easier ; you just hold your breath and do it.

Thank you for your reply, i really appriciate it

So are you sugesting me to do that? continue with checkings or just try to be strong and not do that?

nooooo! no checking. that only reinforces it, sweetie. You have to break that loop.

Snaga wrote:nooooo! no checking. that only reinforces it, sweetie. You have to break that loop.

Thank you for your help . I am still struggling but you are right I have to somehow break the loop. It's very hard for me to stop doing this, I don't know why am i doing this, it will only harm me and bring me no good. It's like I need to prove wrong you know :/...if i don't find anything in his browsing history i have to sniff some more around and i don't want that. It can be so tempting and if i don't do that the feeling is horrible...

I was bullied when i was 6 years old and i had strong OCD because of that but beat it in the end, and now part of it is coming back probably because of traumatic experiance that happend.
Anyway this is hell for me but i'll keep trying.