Question, hocd improving

I feel like my HOCD is a lot better and I am beginning to remember my attraction to
men thanks to my friend Paxil. I always had crushes on guys growing up but I seriously have these thoughts that I have an attraction to women that I try to repress & dont wanna act on- I dont know if anyone else feels this way but i do even when my OCD isnt bad. I feel like I always stare at girls/pics of girls and feel like i have to-
more than guys, I get these stupid feelings of attraction/arousal esp if i make myself think of sexual stuff and I worry I am just repressing my attraction and Ill never truly be happy with a guy because I dont actually like them. I also feel like the arousal to women is more
intense I just hate thinking about it. Although i have to say wben Im turned on by a guy it feels like a different type of arousal. But the ones to women dont feel like groinal responses (Ive had those to kids due to POCD- awful awful btw I feel for my POCD sufferers) I just have these worries. I am so happy when I dont feel attracted to women. i feel like if i was gay i wouldnt feel this way but
maybe I would. Idk at best at least I can enjoy some romantic attraction towards guys.

I also feel like once I start on the HOCD thing my attraction to guys dissappears instantly and I just get this empty feeling. Maybe that is just how gay ppl feel.

I know exactly how you feel. There are days when everything feels okay (somewhat) and I'm able to just concentrate on work, and then there are days when everything just goes to hell and I'm questioning every single thing. My therapist is sending me in to a psychiatrist for an assessment to prescribe SSRI's.
I've tried meditation/mindfullness and it helps. You should look into it. Stay strong!

I feel like Im hetero romantic and homo sexual:( I think my sexual attraction toward guya doesnt exist when i check and its like the same
way i feel toward my dad or something. I feel gay for sure and I just use OCD As an excuse!!

i truly think im the exception here bc i get intense arousal type feelings & feel like i can make myself sexualize any part of a woman- w/ this my attraction to men is practically gone. i feel like i have to stare at women & can turn away from men. my mind is screaming youre obsessed w women!!! bc its like this constantly.