feel guilty for arguing with a female colleague

Dear jaus tail:

I am 55 and only recently am I less affected by the hurt and abuse inflicted on me by my mother. My sister used to say: Get over it! I hated it when she said it. "Move on" she said and I hated that too,

What i realized over therapy in the last five years is that the hurt I suffered as a child, day in and day out, year after year, the hurt, fear, abuse ... these experiences and emotions are part of my brain, a physical part of my brain. Connections are made, formed in the brain during childhood (called Formative years for a reason), and you can't just "get over" and "move on" from your own brain.

It takes healing which means slowly, over time, with help and insight and skills, to weaken those brain connections that have the hurt and abuse in them... and make new connections in the brain. It takes healing.

atina

Dear jaus tail:

Did you write "sorry if i hurt you" to me? If so, no, you did not hurt me!

Regarding blaming your caretaker. Blaming her is realistic in that she hurt you badly. And her own childhood and past and who hurt her... all this is irrelevant to the fact that she hurt you badly and that she shouldn't have and it was very, very wrong for her to hurt the innocent, loving and lovable child that you were.

Thing is that loving and lovable child that you were is still in you, waiting to be helped. You are the only one that can help her now. Blaming the caretaker is okay, helping yourself is necessary. If only you could attend therapy with a good, hard working, empathetic and dedicated therapist like the one I had, that could do a lot for you.

I used to be stuck in the past. Literally the child that I was - was indeed stuck in the abuse of the past. I am in the process of rescuing her- this process, this journey is not simple or easy, my goodness but I am in it already, too far into it. So I keep going.

atina

Dear jaus tail:

I am sorry you are suffering so much. I know suffering. I do hope soon enough you will feel better! Please do write me anytime.
atina