Worried I'm lying

I've had my letter from my recent psychiatric assessment. It's full of mentions of my OCD symptoms. I've been worrying ever since that I could be lying and faking my symptoms. I'm not sure if they are compulsions or I'm just making myself do them to prove I have OCD.

Sometimes I'm sure I have OCD and other times I'm panicking that I'm a liar. How can I be sure?

Are you obsessing every day? Do you want your obsessions to be true? What is your OCD theme?

That's the thing, I don't have one theme. If I did I'm sure I'd believe my diagnosis more.

I get to work, see the woman I fancy, feel guilty, punish myself. Spend meetings with her going 'god you're hot' over and over in my mind. Sometimes I start to worry I fancy one of my friends and keep questioning myself over it. I spend most of the day emailing people and if they don't reply immediately I assume they hate me. Personally I have to fight the compulsion to reply to people immediately. When it gets to the weekend I obsess I need to have sex or my partner and I will break up. If she gets in a mood I'll assume she wants to break up with me and will punish myself.

When I'm not obsessing over these things I'm googling stuff like mad because what if I don't have OCD?

Plus I have weird things like needing to touch things with both hands, looking at the clock to see a '1' after I've seen a '9' or it feels wrong, etc.

And I make endless lists of things I have to do, and if I don't do them I feel panicky.

But I worry some of this isn't OCD?

It's OCD, I'm not a doctor, but for me it's obvious OCD, because "normal" people don't have this problems. This thing is curable, go find a therapist, solve your inner conflicts, maybe take some pills, and live a happy life! You better unhook from "internet researching" and start making some decisions to have a happy and healthy life ASAP. Good luck!

Thanks, I know it's not normal but I worry it could be something else and not OCD. I have a doctor and a psychiatrist diagnosing me with OCD, I'm not sure why I find it so hard to believe them.

I've been referred for therapy on the NHS but it's a 12 month waiting list.

Believe me, therapists are smart guys

Um. We've been thru this... *sticks hands in pockets and kicks at the carpet*

Ocd is ocd. Don't think you have to have any one'theme'. Ocd is the salt to add flavor and zest to all your hangups!

My opinion? If you've not already done so, I think I'd talk to the pdoc about the possibility of having Borderline traits. I said traits, not BPD itself. And you know already that I wonder about that my own self. I love my Snagina. I also think about other ppl a lot. I need her, then I feel distant. Etc etc etc.

But keep in mind sweet pea that you're ocd. Whatever else you are, or are not, you're OCD. And OCD will add to the flavor of everything. Because we obsess. That's what we do. That's why I can not have the usual brand of hocd, and be perfectly sure that I'm bisexual, and yet find myself obsessing over the gay part almost like hocd. I obsess. That's what I do. I obsess over sexuality. I obsess over my attractions to other women. I obsess over lots of things.

You obsess like crazy, baby doll. You get all OCD over your Dx of OCD. That's pretty darn OCD, you ask me.

That did make me laugh, so thank you.

Yes we have been through this before, but then you could say the same to anyone here. People will reassure them they're not gay, yet then they come back worrying they're gay, etc. That's what OCD does and it's doing a similar thing to me. And yes I'm aware that I just used an example of my OCD in a post where I'm saying maybe I don't have OCD. I realise this doesn't make sense.

What scared me in the letter was her mention of me 'having an intrusive thought that she has become attracted to someone else'. Surely it's not an intrusive thought if it's real? Ok so I worry I'm attracted to my friends often. But the main one I know I am attracted to. So then surely it's not an intrusive thought and hence if that's wrong maybe she got the rest wrong too?

I only saw her once and now I'm on a 12 month waiting list. But she didn't seem to think I had any kind of personality disorder. Having said that, I didn't say much about possible symptoms as I was too busy talking about possible OCD.

Thinking people don't care about me could be bpd or it could be an OCD intrusive thought. Because I do have compulsions related to it...

It I find Bugs Bunny dressed as a nun, you're in danger of getting hit with a ruler....

You DO get intrusive thoughts about fancying others. You know that, baby doll. Girls that aren't your type, you obsess over and worry if your type is changing.

Which does not rule out the occasional omg YES!! she's so ######6 hot!!

Which is going to happen to the most loyal of people, on occasion, personality disorders or not. Ofc you're going to at least occasionally genuinely fancy other women. The day I don't look at other women, is the day I'm six feet under. And once in a while I get absolutely smitten. You may be a girl and a lesbian, and I'm just a confused boy, our brains may be wired different but last I checked you were just as human as me, sweets. You're not perfect. I know you wish you were and it tears me up when you beat yourself up over not being perfect, but sorry, only One was perfect, in my cosmology, and we ain't Him. That option ain't available to us mere mortals.

Don't let OCD fool you with that all-or-nothing #######4. You CAN have intrusive thoughts of fancying other women, and then turn right around and genuinely get the hots for that coworker that you can't keep your eyes off of. The presence of one does not negate the other. And so what? We all see someone that, if we weren't in a relationship, would do in a New York minute.

I claim to have never had hocd, yet I've let OCD torture me forever. I have gay thoughts, and like them, and fancy the occasional guy irl, omg i must be gay. Gay gay gay. All or nothing. Bull. The presence of one does not negate my love of nenas.

I have harm OCD. Does that mean I've never genuinely wanted to choke the life out of someone? Oh hell no.

Ocd thrives on making us think it's all or nothing, every time. You have to have OCD or you have to get the hots for every chick you see. No. No. Both. You experience intrusive thoughts, because you're OCD. You experience lust for that cute coworker, because you're human.

Well I've just got back from drinks with a few friends: I spent half of it thinking everyone there hated me and feeling stupid and half of it thinking I was attracted to the woman I was sat next to. Who is my friend and who I've had these kind of thoughts about before. And who isn't really my type.

So yes I guess you're right.

Either way, I feel fairly depressed now.

And I'm still wondering if I have OCD.