Hi, so I've been able to deal with my HOCD pretty well recently, but then a couple weeks ago it started turning into "you have to accept you're bi" like all of this HOCD stems from a repressed bisexual place? I know it's common for HOCD to evolve like that but it's really bugging me because as soon as I think fine whatever I'm bi, then my mind just tells me I'm gay again, and I KNOW I can't be gay. I'm way too into guys and I'm thankful to have that clarity, but I still continue to doubt myself.
Whenever I see a pretty girl I go insane with doubt, it's horrible! And I'll test myself with trying to imagine her as my girlfriend and it doesn't disgust me like it used to, now I feel like part of me enjoys it but it makes me so sad and anxious, and immediately afterwards I feel like I've lost touch with myself. I keep wondering whether I fear rejection and stuff, but I've never even thought of it like that, it's just the idea of me being attracted to a girl, that's my biggest fear... I'm so tired of this, it's taking up all my energy, plus I have a really big crush on a guy, and normally I enjoy the feelings but I just can't with this on my mind.
Any advice?