Possibly backdoor spike? HOCD.

Alright, so a little bit of time has passed since my HOCD started, its been a few months of really high anxiety, constant fear and wondering, basically hell. I would worry about some aspect of my past or how i acted and think "does that make me gay?" I'd get reassured and then sure enough start worrying about something else.

The thing is, now, my anxiety is like super low, like the lowest its been since this started. But some gay thoughts are still there. Let me give an example. I was watching breaking bad with my girlfriend, and every time a guy came on screen my mind would immediately go "he's good looking", even though im pretty sure they aren't. Another example was i was reading on some forums and some guy basically said "imagine youre on an island with the most attractive girl in the world and she is interested in you, would you have sex with her(then replace girl with guy and answer again)" and when i thought about the situation with a girl i got a weird feeling in my stomach and it seemed like that wasnt what i want. When i thought about it with a dude i felt nothing at all, and im worried that nothing at all means thats what i want as opposed to feeling something in my stomach.

So im just wondering what you guys think this might mean, is it possible im having backdoor spikes, or something else?

It sounds like intrusive thoughts to me and that's OCD. I have intrusive thoughts when I don't feel particularly anxious too.

You don't sound gay to me!

I used to suffer from HOCD badly, before I knew it even existed. It's kind of come back recently in an evolved form. I had a huge spike at Xmas. My sister in law was staying and she's lost some weight and has been working out. I found myself looking at her thinking that she looked really good.

Now, I'm a woman, and I then worried that everyone had seen me checking her out and reasoned that I've never had a lesbian relationship and that isn't because I think there's anything wrong with being gay, but I still began to doubt my sexuality.

This is all a work in progress, but you're not alone. You'd get aroused by thinking of sexual things with a dude if you were gay.

CloudShark wrote:This is all a work in progress, but you're not alone. You'd get aroused by thinking of sexual things with a dude if you were gay.

Also have to remember ocd can trick you too. So it has to be genuine and not under duress of obsessing thinking to like testing and checking which can lead to reactions eventually if you do it enough.

jdd wrote:

CloudShark wrote:This is all a work in progress, but you're not alone. You'd get aroused by thinking of sexual things with a dude if you were gay.

Also have to remember ocd can trick you too. So it has to be genuine and not under duress of obsessing thinking to like testing and checking which can lead to reactions eventually if you do it enough.

Yeah, you're right. HOCD is such a weird one. It's not as though being gay is taboo these days, but it messes with people's heads all the time. I hate to think what it must have been like for folk with OCD back in the days when homosexuality was illegal.

Thanks for your responses guys, it really helped. As always, i appreciate the feedback

I'm so scared, I'm a 14 year old female, pretty young I know, and I am confirm suffering with OCD, I know because I go to therapy and therapist told me so now I'm starting to take pills and everything, now the thing is when ever I go on google to see if I have simillar things going on as other people, even if it is similar the anxiety is still there and it's still convincing me I'm gay, now I'm having a lot of back door spikes.and I am also scared because, the thoughts go like "how are you going to tell people your gay" "maybe you are gay" what if you r gay" and things like that, I've never ever ever ever had a crush on a. Girl or been sexually attracted although I have watched lesbian porn and got turned on by it but never have it got into my personal life, I DONT WANT TO BE GAY but my mind is convincing me that I am and it is telling me that I have to admit it, I had so much guy crushed and now I'm so confused I want to be STARIGHT but these thoughts are making me think what if other wise, what can I do to make it go away, my mind is all over the place and I'm constantly noticing girls,,,, I just don't want to be gay, I've always imagined marrying guys and having children please help me ( i don't want any more spikes so if you have anything negative please don't before I panic even more)


(Can this also be because of the porn)
-- Mon Jan 25, 2016 8:24 pm --

I also want to say that, I stopped watching porn and it started when I complimented a friend that was a female about her body and the thought came to me and said " they probably think your gay" and now these thoughts COME ALL THE TIME, all my attractions are gone and also I have been suffering for a few months now

Hey so this is the first post of yours ive seen so welcome to the forums. My advice: relax. You sound exactly like everyone else with OCD. Myself included. If you look at older posts here and even my older posts youll see what i mean. Dont worry. Youve clearly had attraction to guys and that means you arent a lesbian. You can appreciate attractive qualities in other girls. That means nothing. Everyone can notice good things about others. Just like im sure you can notice bad things about both genders. the only way you could even be bi is if you also wanted sex with girls and it doesnt sound like thats the case. OCD for females seems to feed on the "all girls are bisexual" thing that seems to be going around alot, but thats just something people say. It means nothing about you. Some people also say "All muslims are terrorists" but clearly thats not true, so why would all girls being at least bi be true? People make all sorts of blanket statments based on limited information and sometimes those statements spread around and become accepted as truth, when in reality, they very likely are not.