Just plain OCD or? Advice really needed please

I'm 19 and have had general anxiety and OCD symptoms for around 10 months now, such as doing things 5 times or doing things in a certain way, and the OCD syptoms get worse the more anxious or stressed I am. I've always had slight anxiety and OCD but I stupidly abused MDMA last year which seemed to kick things into overdrive. I also suffer from the intrusive thoughts side of it and it varies, for around 6 months it was thoughts of harming children, then for around a month it changed to thoughts of harming my girlfriend, just after I realised I loved her.

The thoughts seem to change depending on what is most precious to me. Bare in mind these thoughts sicken me and I would never act on them. Two weeks ago, I read something, a tab my mum left open, about derealisation and then couldn't stop thinking I had it, and then a week ago, I saw an open tab on my mother's iPad about schizophrenia and how she was misdiagnosed with it.

She assured me she's never had it and it was an extremely silly misdiagnosis. This sent my OCD into an extreme panic and now I'm extremely scared of developing it. Just to clarify, I don't hear voices or see hallucinations, I'm just terrified in case I start exhibiting these symptoms. It's as if I'm expecting to hear or see something now, even though I never have.

The fact that the intrusive thoughts keep changing their focus leads me to believe it is only OCD and not schizophrenia but as always with OCD there's doubts!

Please, any advice would be appreciated greatly appreciated!

Dear RedGrape123:

The thoughts change but the fear is the same. My fear attached itself to a million and one different thoughts over the years. I had no idea at the time what was happening to me. I didn't know of OCD until I was in my twenties and had OCD since I was about five. I wish there was someone back then that would take my hand and comfort me every time I was consumed with a scary thought. I wish that person told me: "you are afraid. It is okay. I am here with you. I will protect you the best I can."

Now, I try to do it myself: say the same thing to myself, calm myself. Take my attention away from the thought and tend to the fear: "I am afraid. It is okay. I am just afraid."

atina