Relationship OCD & Intrusive Thoughts

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice from anybody who can offer some / may have a similar OCD issue going on as I am at the end of my tether with it all. Here's my story...

I've always showed mild signs of OCD my whole life - ticks when I was a child, my need for tidiness & order and great satisfaction from it, compulsions when i'm nervous (magical thinking), worrying about loved ones dying and feeling like I'm actually grieving when I think about it. However most recently, i've had a really bad bout of relationship OCD - which has pretty much ruined my life for the last 2 months and don't know what to do about it.

I've had quite a stressful year and I've recently stopped taking hormonal the birth control pill after 10 years on it (which funnily enough is when this ROCD seemed to come on) - does anybody else find that their OCD gets worse when they have PMS or have come off the pill? I'm wondering if it has anything to do with a hormone imbalance.

A few months ago I started back at a company I used to work for (I worked there for a few years previously) and I was so happy to be back as I really enjoyed my job there in the past. The first couple of weeks were really stressful as I was trying to learn the ropes with my new position and get to grips with it, and then as soon as I felt confident with the job and could finally enjoy being back there BAM this horrible ROCD comes out of absolutely nowhere.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years now and am still absolutely madly in love with him still and can't imagine my future with anybody else. We have such an amazing relationship both emotionally and physically and he's the total light of my life and always will be, so I know for 100% fact that this is not a case of being bored with my partner or falling out of love with him etc, which is exactly why these intrusive thoughts have come as such a shock and caused such depression.

There's a guy at my work who i've worked with previously when I was last there, he's an attractive guy and really sweet but he's always just been my friend and that's it. I may've thought 'ah he's a nice guy' in the past but never anything more and would just be a totally casual thought. All of sudden out of absolutely nowhere this horrible thought popped into my head that maybe I was attracted to him. He is fairly good looking and a nice person and obviously i'm not blind just because i'm in a relationship, and it would be totally natural to think he's attractive but my brain is telling me it's more, which is just total rubbish as I never thought that before and I can't even imagine kissing him or anything!

This thought has come with such force and has made me beyond miserable for the last 2 months - i've been depressed, had a complete lack of energy, i'm not enjoying the things I used to enjoy, i've been crying uncontrollably every other day and i can't take it anymore. The thought is is my head as soon as I wake up and right up until I go to bed. It makes me feel so guilty as though i've cheated on my lovely boyfriend which absolutely kills me inside! It's making me want to quit the job I really love just because I have to see this guy every day and it triggers it every time. I can't even enjoy my weekends anymore as I know i'll just have to deal with it again come Monday and all through the week. It's like i've associated that horrible thought with being at work and seeing this guy triggers it, which I have to deal on a daily basis.

I've even told my boyfriend about all of this and bless him, he's so understanding and loving. I thought that telling him would make it stop as I felt I was harbouring some kind of secret in a way, but it doesn't seemed to have helped at all in the long run!

I know quitting my job because of this is completely irrational as is the whole thing, but I don't know what else to do to get rid of this thought and it ruining my life. I feel as though i've somehow tainted my relationship with my boyfriend and I will never feel comfortable with him again because of this which I know is just RIDICULOUS but I can't seem to shake it somehow!

If anybody has experienced a similar experience and can share some advice that would be most appreciated as I really don't know what to do anymore.

Dear stressball:

Yes, I have experience with this, OCD (and multiple tics, Tourette Syndrome) for fifty years so far, since I was five or so.

This is how I see your situation, based on my experience: you have fear, ongoing, unsettled fear since you were a child. Your brain is trying to resolve this fear, diminish or eliminate it. The only way it can do that is if it attaches or associates the fear with a thought. Once the brain has a thought, it has what it needs to work on: resolve the thought, the problem, and resolve the fear.

The thing is that what brought about that fear is in childhood, when it started. Not the thought it attaches to. The fear needs to attach itself to the thoughts, the memories that brought it about and resolved there (insight, psychotherapy...)

What I have been doing, is every time my fear attaches itself to a thought I say to myself: "I am afraid" and that calms me down.

I am no longer... fooled by OCD, believing that the THOUGHT that my fear attaches itself to is the real problem. I understand it is not.

So your fear that you are attracted to the guy at work indicates not that you are or that your relationship with your boyfriend is in danger... only that this is where it happens (randomly, "out of nowhere") to be where your fear attached itself to today...

Post again, if you'd like.

atina

Hi,

I just started getting this thought today! I've had relationship OCD that past month or two and it's all diffrent thoughts but this came around day and I hate it! There's a girl in my tech class I find quite attractive, and I feel that because of that I have feelings for her and it makes me feel so upset, whenever I see she is online on Facebook it makes me feel really bad for some reason. I love my girlfriend more than anything and know that I wouldn't cheat on her or anything and have other feelings for other people, I just hate this!

Thank you for your input - it's really helpful to read!

It's just like being stuck in an unsettling dream day in, day out. Also, the problem is that I work with this guy so he seems to be a trigger everyday - it's not like I can just forget about it. Which is what's making me just want to find another job which is tough cause I actually really enjoy the actual job! I just don't see how this is going to go away if I stay there.

Another thing for me is wondering whether these feelings are real or not - as they feel so real and I end up repeatedly looking at this guy to see whether I feel something or not, and most of the time I just think he's quite good looking but I don't have butterflies in my stomach or anything.

I'm starting some CBT soon so i'm really hoping it helps me! Fingers crossed!

Dear stressball:

Fingers crossed here too, for your CBT coming soon! Worked for me.. slowly but surely.
atina