Sexuality denial or anxiety/hocd?? **urgent plz answer**

I'm a teenage girl currently going through confusion and anxiety over sexuality. I always thought I was straight, but now my mind has convinced me that I'm not. I truly do not want to be lesbian or bi. And I have nothing against those of you who are, I just want to live a heterosexual lifestyle. And please don't say what's wrong with being gay because I know nothing is wrong with it I just don't want that. Until this summer, I was hundred percent positive that I was straight. 'Since I was young, I only had crushes on guys, fantasize about them, and would grab my pillow and pretend I was kissing one. Never once have I questioned my sexuality before. During this summer, my anxiety triggered when I randomly selected a video of a popular youtuber coming out. It also triggered when my mom and I were joking around, and I bit her leg as a joke. She then looked at me and asked if I was gay. I was kinda startled and scared when she asked that because I couldn't believe she said that. It even offended me a little bit, since my mom told me how she would bite family members herself when she was young. Plus, biting is something I would do growing up. P.S. I know this sounds weird please don't judge... and I'm not joking about this.


Up until this summer, my mind has been telling me that I'm gay or planting this seed that I need to come out. Each day I check on the internet to read signs about homosexuality, but I just don't seem to fit the description. I feel so confused right now. It's like I don't know if I'm gay or not. I think deep down I'm straight but all this confusion is making me think otherwise. To be honest, being straight seems so natural to me, to be anything otherwise is just uncomforable.  I believe my family would accept me if I was gay, even though it wud be hard. I keep checking on the web to see if this is normal, and found i could be suffering from  HOCD.I believe i have it, but i worry i could be in denial. Sometimes I watch porn and have felt aroused to lesbian porn, but i also get aroused by other porn. I did stop watching porn due to my confusion about my sexuality. However, i recently started back watching lesbian porn but wasnt that intrigued by it like I use to be. Also, I've taken many sexuality quizzes, including the Kinsey Scale, and all my results were Heterosexual. My mind constantly thinks I could be lesbian, which I don't get nervous about anymore. And it worries me that I don't get nervous about that anymore. I do feel uncomfortable about the thought of being lesbian feel the need to push it out of my head. Sometimes, I feel like if I sit, talk, or dress certain gay manner, then i need to change it. I don't believe being a lesbian fits me, and if I happened to be with a girl, i would end up feeling more like friends than lovers.My family says I have a tendency to worry about stuff. I am currently crushing on a boy but I don't have intense feelings for him or get nervous around him which concerns me because I've read that other lesbians or bi people have dated guys in the past but haven't had intense feelings for them. Before this all happened, I was never concerned about this and my feelings for boys were so intense, but now my sex drive has kinda decreased. Let me emphasize that I hope this is something else and not me actually in denial of being a homosexual. The thing is being straight feels natural too me and I probably know deep down that I'm straight but my mind is trying to convince me that I'm not. Please be nice about it. I'm really worried!  
P.S.  Im nervous because I'm not as panicky like I use to be, and fear this is me accepting myself as a homosexual when i don't want that. Is this normal. Am I or do I sound straight?

Hey there hon...

You're probably having an OCD moment, and don't sound very much like a Lesbian to me.

First, you worry.

And this seems to start with a moment in time that whaps you upside the head and you get this sudden fear that you're gay. If you were gay, I think you'd have known it? Or it would come up gradually? I'm Bi, and I never had a first time that I thought 'Am I Bi/Gay?' and was scared. I just wanted someone of the same sex and it was exciting.

It's normal for the anxiety to wear off a bit... OCD is fueled by anxiety. So when it gets old, and you're accustomed to the anxiety, then you find yourself worrying that you're not worrying.

Get back off the porn. Seeing ppl do sexual things is arousing, in and of itself, no matter what your sexual orientation.

And trust those test results, sweetie! Sexuality tests say you're Hetero, trust them. My obsessive nature sometimes tries to tell me I'm Gay, and then I remember my test results. Bisexual. I trust my test results. It doesn't matter what your anxiety tries to tell you, you have those concrete test results to lean on. Something to point at. See? I'm Straight!

Anxiety such as yours doesn't want to be reassured. You'll seek someone to tell you you're not Gay, but it won't last. The anxiety is best thought of as a hungry, living thing inside you. It wants fear and will get it any way it can. Including making you doubt reassurance you're straight. Look at those test results, sweets. Cling to them in the face of anxiety. Make up your mind you are STRAIGHT, and this fear cannot change that. You have to not care about what you are, you have to not care what these thoughts try to tell you. they're just thoughts, hon. That's all. Just thoughts. And if you let them they'll keep you in fright. Don't let them do that, you have to learn to disregard the thoughts. Don't fall into the trap of second guessing, of trying to over analyse everything you do for signs of 'gayness'. You have to decide you're straight, and cling to that in the face of these anxieties. It's not easy, but it can be done with practice. I have harm OCD, and I have learned to mostly not pay attention to my harm thoughts. They're just thoughts, they're not me. And you're not gay, sweets. The tests said so. Stop worrying. It's very hard to, but you have to quit feeding this fear.