Anyone who had TOCD and overcame it?

The term "pure-O" OCD is a little contradictory, because OCD requires a compulsion. If you have what's called purely obsessional OCD you do have compulsions, but you don't perform them overtly and sometimes it's hard for you to tell whether you're neutralizing. Every attempt to reduce anxiety when having an intrusive thought is a compulsion, even if it's performed mentally, e.g. telling yourself everything is going to be okay, or that this is probably BS, is also a compulsion. Without compulsion the obsession cannot survive. So in order to have obsessions you need a compulsion that feed the obsession/intrusive thoughts.

"I resisted opening my mouth whenever I saw lipstick nor look down at my feet every time I saw high-heels."

Here is your compulsion, my friend.

Yup that's what I thought re-reading my post... coping with an anxious thought to reduce anxiety by attempting to avoid doing an overt compulsion is indeed a compulsion. OCD is a paradox. I'm glad you pointed that out though, I was starting to get worried because I never had any overt obvious compulsion since I got TOCD (which would mean I'm not OCD, but in actuality all of my compulsions were performed mentally.)

You do have compulsions and it sounds like OCD as well.

Since I also suffer from Trans OCD, I'm going to share my compulsions with you:

- checking my body/face in the mirror to see if I'm still feminine
- avoiding any clothes that are ambiguous (gender neutral) I only want to wear feminine clothing
- checking my mannerisms, the way I talk, walk, sit
- arguing with the obsession (I get an intrusive thought and I try to reduce it with a counter example to calm myself down -> new obsession)
- avoiding looking at men since I know I'll get grooms responses
- googling and being on this forum to interact with people and seek reassurance
- asking people around me if I come across masculine or if I wanted to be a boy when I was little


To name a few. I'm sure you have lots of compulsions as well.

Ok yeah I think I can identify my compulsions now and I have some that are similar to yours:

-checking myself in the mirror to see if I'm still masculine every time I enter a bathroom
-avoiding wearing anything gender ambiguous (men don't have a lot of clothes like that, but the leather satchel I got for my birthday is definitely something I won't wear to college any time soon)
-avoiding talking or moving in expressive/emotional ways to refrain from coming off feminine
-avoid looking at lipstick, highheels, ect. (however if its on the internet I have the opposite compulsion)
-browse through facebook/twitter to look at pictures of women to see if I can stop myself from imagining I'm them
-being on this forum for reassurance
-going on messaging apps to talk to girls/use pornography to reassure I still have some masculinity

A lot of compulsions as you see. It's good you are able to identify them!

Yo I overcame it. It was a long road. I still struggle with it from time to time but once you realize you are not your thoughts it all starts to make sense and you’ll find it all to be silly.
Explaining my journey through it helps.
For me it started with a breakup with the girl I thought I was going to marry. I quickly found another woman, and couldn’t get aroused when things would get sexual between us. One day I was smoking some pot and a thought came through my mind that I was now homosexual because I couldn’t keep an erection with this woman who I was incredibly attracted to. I had major anxiety over my sexuality for months and neglected my health and work, stopped everything I loved doing to figure out, check, rummage through memories to prove I was/am heterosexual. I avoided my friends who were attractive and stopped listening to my favorite bands because they were men. Began to develop compulsions as well. Most were mental. I knew I was still attracted to girls, but my mind told me that I was attracted to women because “I wanted to be them” not “date them or enjoy their beauty”. In the midst of retracing memories I came across the fact that I used to get off on wearing women’s underwear at a very young age. Boom. And that’s where the TOCD began. Everything I searched on the internet was a dead end, as we now live in a society where trans people and homosexual people are accepted and encouraged. So this all turned into denial after a point. That it was all true, I was a gay woman living as a man and I just had to accept it. Something I never thought of before in my entire life. I reached a dark place where suicide was an option because I couldn’t live with such a conflicting crowd of thoughts engulfing my everyday so I checked into therapy. The therapist was a student in training and made me feel as if I was in denial as well. Made it all worse. I questioned everything, the clothes I wore, my facial hair, my genitals, my past, my lifestyle, who I was.

It all stopped (significantly calmed down) when I explained it all to a friend from work. It all sounded stupid to say out loud. I realized all the things I was saying were in my head and not reality. Nothing matched up between my actions and thoughts. I started to see that my thoughts were obsessive, my brain would try and make everything relate to homosexuality and transsexuality. From holding a cucumber to using the men’s restroom. It’s all so dumb.

Just accept the thoughts, laugh at them and then let them go. They aren’t real. Who you are will shine through the obsessions and compulsions. Remember what you love to do and do those things, focus on what makes you smile. And I know damn well HOCD and TOCD makes you frown and cry and feel like crap. So why think about things that give grief?

Hope this helps.

Overcoming your TOCD means you love yourself.

Everything else does not matter.
'Nuff said.

I’m so happy that you were able to overcome it! That is great news!!