Over sharing/telling the truth

kah80 wrote:Thank you. Most of these people in the links seem a lot worse than me, which starts me off on my 'maybe I don't have OCD!' panic (sorry, don't mean it to sound like I'm not grateful for the links. I am).

I did use to keep a diary but my friend told me to stop it as it was full of self-pity and stuff that wasn't true. But maybe I should start it up again.

People can have anything from a few traits of a disorder, to an extreme, 'ticks every box' version of it, but that doesn't means that only the most severe cases are entitled to attribute their disordered behaviour to it, or seek understanding and help for it. Wherever you are on the spectrum, you're still suffering from a compulsion to damage yourself in the ways that you do.

As for writing your thoughts and feelings down - well, only you can know whether it makes you feel better or not, and if it does, I'd go back to it - but with the understanding that you are writing from a disordered mindset, and the worries that you write down may well not be true, or contain more than a nugget of vastly exaggerated truth.

I used to have a little self soothing phrase, "I hope that I am going to be okay." A long time ago, I used to mentally sing a line of an old Stevie Wonder song to myself - "Don't you worry 'bout a thing." A little phrase like that can be a comfort blanket to hold on to, sometimes.

Thank you. I appreciate your words.

The confession compulsion got pretty bad today. I have this friend, we'll call her A. We became friends recently when she mentioned in passing she might have OCD and we've been close ever since. She is kind of cute and occasionally I'll look at her and think 'maybe I fancy you?' Anyway today I had lunch with a male friend and he knows I often fall for people. I mentioned A in passing and he basically asked me if I had a thing for her. I told him I had thought about it but that I had a bigger problem- I.e., which he guessed as I'd mentioned her before. Anyway when I went back to my desk I told A that he thought I had a crush on her and she found it funny. She then said she would be flattered if I did, and I was moments away from blurting out 'sometimes I think I fancy you!'

Also with the friend I had to stop myself texting him tonight and going on about how into K I am. I've done that kind of thing with him before and we've drifted apart because he can't handle it. But I so wanted to tell him everything.

I would write your confessions down in a 'confessions diary', to relieve yourself of the burden of needing to tell 'somebody'.

I would go back to your doctor as well, and ask how long it's likely to be for an appt. with a therapist, as your worries are affecting your relationships. For support in the meantime, have you thought about registering with ocdaction? The link is below, they may prove helpful. I wouldn't worry about comparing the severity of your symptoms with the other members there, it would still be a supportive online community for you, and a source of other help.

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/

Thank you.

I got my referral letter today. It says I need to ring to say I still need an appointment and then I'll be placed on a 'long waiting list'.

Thanks for the link. It's no so much thinking my symptoms are less than others but more worrying I don't have OCD. I think if I get officially diagnosed with it it will help because if I worry my symptoms are less I'll think 'but I still have OCD'. Until then I worry I might end up being told I don't have it. And if I don't have it I can't register on an OCD website because I'm being a fraud.

I do have an obvious compulsion to confess things. And some of it is because I feel guilty. But I also have a need for attention that may be entirely unrelated. If I tell my girlfriend I fancy someone else it's obviously not for attention. And if I confess these attractions to others then maybe it's partly because I want them to reassure me that it doesn't mean I'm a bad person. But also part of me thinks I want to tell them so they can feel sorry for me and give me attention. Especially when I tell them I might have OCD- I want them to feel sorry for me. And so I worry this means I actually don't have it and I'd feel guilty registering on an OCD site. I even sometimes feel guilty for posting here. 'Look at all these people with awful problems and here I am pretending to have OCD'.

kah80 wrote:Especially when I tell them I might have OCD- I want them to feel sorry for me. And so I worry this means I actually don't have it and I'd feel guilty registering on an OCD site. I even sometimes feel guilty for posting here. 'Look at all these people with awful problems and here I am pretending to have OCD'.

I sometimes feel like this as well with HOCD so, I wouldn't beat yourself up too hard for this.

kah80 wrote:I got my referral letter today. It says I need to ring to say I still need an appointment and then I'll be placed on a 'long waiting list'.

Well, until your turn comes up, I would try confessing to your diary, rather than other people, as much as you can.

kah80 wrote:Thanks for the link. It's no so much thinking my symptoms are less than others but more worrying I don't have OCD. I think if I get officially diagnosed with it it will help because if I worry my symptoms are less I'll think 'but I still have OCD'. Until then I worry I might end up being told I don't have it. And if I don't have it I can't register on an OCD website because I'm being a fraud.

You won't be being fraudulent, kah, you certainly are suffering from ocd traits at least, in my opinion, and are entitled to look for support from ocdaction, as well as here.

kah80 wrote:But also part of me thinks I want to tell them so they can feel sorry for me and give me attention. Especially when I tell them I might have OCD- I want them to feel sorry for me. And so I worry this means I actually don't have it and I'd feel guilty registering on an OCD site.

Look at all of those celebrities etc. 'bravely confessing' to their ocd in newspapers and magazines - they're obviously after the attention and sympathy, but it doesn't make their ocd any less real.

Ocd runs on anxiety and guilt - don't let your doubts over a diagnosis hold you back. You do have traits of it at least, in my opinion, and you're suffering in the same way that I and others do, so seek online support where you can.

I wish you well, all the best,

bitty.

Thanks both. You have set my mind at rest (for the time being) and I will certainly try those things.