I need help. Please. *Trigger Warning*

So, I'm afraid. I fear I may be a pedophile. Let me tell you my "story" so you can tell me your opinion.

I'm 19 years old. I've always been interested in men older than me. I'm a woman.
One day I saw a picture of a little girl (about 2 yo old) bathing. I became frightened when I noticed that I thought "what would her genitals look like under that water". And I felt something down there I don't know if it was arousal (?) It was some feeling though. I freaked out very badly.

Now almost everytime I see a picture of a kid/see a kid/think of a kid I get that same kind of feeling. Like I said I don't know if it is arousal (hopefully not) but it is close to it. I just don't feel it "emotionally", just down there.
I am so afraid. Am I suffering from POCD or am I a real pedophile?
You who are true pedophiles, please help me. Does this sound like pedophilia?
And I'm engaged with the man of my dreams so I'm so afraid that I'm a pedophile and it ruins our relationship.
Thank you in advanve for the help!

Please somebody, I'm really truly desperate.

Hi Nakk. I am going to move this to OCD. It has more in common with posts there. I am no expert in pedophilia , but from what you have written I doubt anyone here would say you are a pedophile.

That said, I will leave this thread in Para as well (it will appear in both places), since you have addressed this forum.

Otter.

Such a taboo thought may have simply excited you. That doesn't mean you are a paedophile.

This could be POCD and stressing about being aroused by children can actually cause you to become aroused which is a 'false response'.

When you look at the images what are you thinking? Are you stressing over whether or not you are attracted to the person in the image and THEN begin to feel what might be arousal? Or do you look at the image and become aroused? Do you think you can distinguish between the two?

I'm not sure if you are a paedophile or of this is POCD but even if you were a paedophile, the realisation wouldn't suddenly make you a monster or a danger to anyone. You would still be attracted to your partner and attracted to adult men. It might be hard to deal with but it wouldn't have to define who you are or ruin your relationship.

Well. I don't find children sexy or anything, I may think about some kid out on the street "aw how cute" or like "that is a beautiful kid, must be a sight to see when she has grown up". If I were a pedophile, would I think that some kid looks attracive? Like now when I see a kid (only happens with girls) I don't think she's hot or sexy or attractive. I do not think that way. And now that "response" comes whenever I see a kid, whenever I see something even RELATED to kids! And let's be said that nowadays I get that same kind of feeling even when I look at a fridge or a freakin' wall. And I do not find walls to be attractive. Don't know about a fridge, it has food in it though so that may explain it. (Funny, haahaa etc)

So, I just want more opinions. Do I sound like a pedophile?
I've been heavily medicated with tranquilizers for couple of weeks now for this and I must get an end to this. Is this the kind of behaviour and feelings that pedophiles feel?
I'm so depressed and ancious and scared. I have all kinds of trouble in my life and this would be the easiest to get rid of IF a real pedophiles would tell me their opinion on am I just crazy or am I a pedophile?

And maybe it won't do any harm to tell you that when I was a little girl, I saw my parents doing it every night (I slept in a same room) and I was really masturbating every day since I was, I don't know, 6? That is pretty close I think. And I thought about sex a lot.
And when I was I think 7, I was kind of abused by my older brother and sister. Some sex stuff I don't even want to remember. And even when I think of that I get that "response". Though I don't know what part of that thing turns me on or anything....
And I'll tell too that I've been a sex addict for about three years now.

Well, what do you get out of this? I would really, really appreciate if you would help me. I can't live like this, all the time I'm too emotionally desperate to do anything. I can't eat and now I can't even sleep anymore though I have sleeping pills.
So, I beg of you. Please help me. I really, really need someone to help me. I can't even describe how I feel. It's too horrible to describe.

Hun I feel the same despair. Just with TOCD. You have OCD and you're not a pedophile. Chances are very slim you are anyway. Women are definitely less likely to be pedophile than men. That's not proof, I know, but I guarantee you you aren't.
Nowadays everyone talks about pedophiles and it's all over the Internet. When a 25 year old guy talks to a 15 year old girl, they're referred to as pedos, but honestly, pedophilia is NOT being interested in fully sexually developed girls that look like they're in their 20s. Pedophiles are attracted to very young children.
But I also don't think you're a pedophile and never will be.

-- Sat Dec 05, 2015 1:46 pm --

I've imagined what little kids look like before. I saw a picture of my friends 1 year old son and he was sitting in a bathtub and you couldn't see his peepee, but I still wondered what it looked like. Doesn't mean I'm a pedophile. I think these images are quite normal and everyone has them. If you feel arousal it's because you're obsessing over it and your OCD attaches to your emotions and because you think if you're thinking it/obsessing, it must be your desire. But it's not.

-- Sat Dec 05, 2015 1:48 pm --

Hun I feel the same despair. Just with TOCD. You have OCD and you're not a pedophile. Chances are very slim you are anyway. Women are definitely less likely to be pedophile than men. That's not proof, I know, but I guarantee you you aren't.
Nowadays everyone talks about pedophiles and it's all over the Internet. When a 25 year old guy talks to a 15 year old girl, they're referred to as pedos, but honestly, pedophilia is NOT being interested in fully sexually developed girls that look like they're in their 20s. Pedophiles are attracted to very young children.
But I also don't think you're a pedophile and never will be.

First of all, thank you all for answering, I'm really grateful!
This is so hard, I try tell to myself that I'm not a pedophile and it's just OCD that's making me believe I am one. It's like a non-stop battle inside my head. In the end, that feeling, almost KNOWING that I'm a pedophile wins. This is too hard to handle.
I'm desperate. I don't know how to make myself believe that I just have that damn PODC.

Does anybody have more opinions?

Well if you aren't sexually attracted to prepubescent children then you aren't a paedophile.

Do you think about children in a sexual way? If not, you are not a pedophile. Pedophiles are attracted to young children, and think about being sexual with them.