Saw something bad a long time ago

Hi everyone. This is my first post to the OCD forum.

Anyway maybe a year or 2 ago, I remember that I was browsing porn sites as usual and clicking links as I always do. Then all of a sudden I seen like 2 naked kids standing and it scared me horribly. I left and felt wierd, and sad. Maybe even longer ago I was doing my same routine and I ran into looked like a photoshopped picture of a kid. And again I left and felt horrid.

Now I'm thinking more in depth to it and feel like a freak and weirdo. I feel I've done something horrible even though I didn't want to see that to begin with. I feel awful, I feel like not living anymore.

Whats happening here is you saw this disturbing image, you then started questioning the image out of fear, for example:

Did i like the image?
Why was i looking at it?
Why did it appear and why did i take it seriously?

You began to question all the reasoning behind you, obsessing over this image, and started to associate with it, thinking your a pervert, or a child molester etc.

For you to be here and post this means you are afraid, the fear of you being afraid means you would never do something and your not bad, because you fear it. Your going to start to doubt yourself, what if i end up not fearing it? Etc. Thats the ocd lying to you with doubt. Once you recognize and talk back to it, the anxiety, thoughts, and fear will diminish.

Thanks.

I keep going over the image or images in my head again and again. Even though I don't know how I got there from a legal site, I still feel responsible for seeing it. I've seen dodgy stuff before on big porn sites but I don't really remember. But I vaguely remember this one and in trying to remember what all the picture was or what it even was of.

I don't know why it came back years later to attack me. But I feel like a creep.

It probably came back because its been always something small that you have feared, OCD targets fears you need to keep telling yourself that you are not a creep. Its all about recognizing your thinking this way.

Would the average person think this if they ran into it. I know it was by accident but it's too creepy, thinking about it. Like did I break the law somehow?

Your going through a stage of OCD right at this moment: Your doubting yourself, you start to doubt, but what if, i didn't want to go, or what if i wanted to see the image etc. You need to recognize that your OCD is giving you the urge to doubt yourself again.

I just keep thinking about it and wondering if I really saw what I saw or what the scenario in the pics were. And if I accidentally saw something dark. Feel like a creep or something.

Your obsessing over this scenario in your mind, once you realize it, you will be able to manage it easier.

What would be a rational alternative at looking at this? I mean if this were you how would you feel/think? It's just creepy trying to piece it together of what happened and what I even saw, if I even did see what I saw clearly.

Your doing a typical OCD reaction which is constant doubt, your doubting everything with the term "what if.