Pocd fear

When I was younger about 13 to 19 I did some bad stuff that I didn't really think about at the time. Sometimes I would go through my sister's and friend's mom underwear drawer. I also had a female roommate that I shared a house with in college that I did this as well. I had a pretty strong panty fetish. I realised this was wrong like 5 years ago and haven't done this in 5 years. However it hit me pretty hard how bad this was to do and I can't get over the guilt of it. I have seriously been thinking I am a horrible person for nearly 5 years straight. Sometimes I'll go through a couple months of not thinking about it but it always comes back and when it does I can't stop obsessing over this for literally days on end.

I have been dealing with harm ocd and pocd for 5 years because of this. What really spiked me was today I was reading comments on reddit and someone said that serial killers / rapists sometimes start out doing what I did. The rational side of me says that I have never hit anyone even when my sister used to sometimes hit me as a kid I never hit her back ever. This is the hardest ocd I've ever had to deal with in all my 12 years of having this disorder. I was able to get over hypochondria in my teens and other harm ocd themes but have been obsessing about this for several years now. It is so hard because I really did do something wrong and wasn't even thinking about how wrong it was at the time. The guilt mixed with ocd is hard to handle

The problem is I fear that I don't even know myself anymore. I wonder why I thought At the same that it was okay to do that and involve others in my fetish without them knowing. I am particularly worried about what this says about who I am as a person whether I am controlling and why I feel like I can do these things to others. I am scared for my future because of what this says about me I feel disgusting and terrified that I can't even control my own actions. Please help

Confused a little bit. Panty fetish OCD or Pedo OCD? Because I don't see how that makes you a pedo.

Pedo ocd. My ocd tells me that since I already like something that is abnormal sexually that it might morph into pedo. It really freaks me out

Before i say anything something you should know, going through draws to see panties is teenage curiosity so there is no connection to being a pervert there.. for you to be here means you fear being a pervert therefore not making you one. Don't look up answers on the internet as it will spike and feed your OCD for more reassurance, if you want more help don't be afraid to PM me.