TOCD or Transgender

Hello,

I am a boy and last year I watched a video of Robbie Williams in a transvestite video. Afterwards I began thinking if I was transgender . When I first questioned this I knew I was a boy not a transgender girl. However I continued to test whether I was transgender by imagining I had a vagina instead of a penis. This did not work and I couldn't imagine I had a vagina and I tried it again another day and now it feels as though I have a vagina and breasts and some days this goes away.

I never felt like this before and I never questioned my gender identity before this and I hated doing girl things but now I'm worried it could be the opposite and I could have gender/genital dysphoria.

I also now feel disconnected from my body. I never felt this before. Could my brain have rewired and turned into a transgender brain?
Or am I just experiencing TOCD.

I also feel I've lost my old, male, self.

I have been to a psychologist several times and she says I have OCD.

If you've been Dx with OCD.....

And you've no prior history of gender issues.

Do you LIKE doing girl things now?

Hi,

Thanks for replying to my post. I never felt like this before I watched that video. After I watched it I searched online and I came across Transgender. At first I knew I was a boy and felt like one and I instantly knew I wasn't transgender. However several days later to test if I actually was transgender I imagined I was a woman with breasts and vagina and even when masturbating I told myself to imagine I had a vagina instead of a penis. After this it feels as though I can't get back to my old self so does it mean I turned transgender by imagining I had a vagina which rewired my brain.

I would think at best you may have switched on a little (emphasis on LITTLE) autogynephilia, which is sexual excitement at the idea of being a woman. I have that in spades. If you're thinking about that while masturbating and you do it enough times I would imagine your brain would associate that with pleasure?



But that's all just my opinion. I certainly don't think one can so easily turn themselves trans. I often wish I'd been born a girl, I would LOVE to be a girl, I fantasize about it frequently, I used to like crossdressing (in private), would have been a drag queen if I could have got away with it, i usually test out as female on gender tests, and I'm still not trans. And I've been this way for decades. I would feel silly getting GRS done. So do I think you can turn yourself trans with one thought? No. And if you had awakened something you always had, you would know deep down you were different before now I think. You wouldn't be posting here in OCD with an official DX of OCD, you'd be posting in GID, I think.

When you test yourself over and over, you'll get used to those thoughts, I think. That's a trap. Start thinking omg I am trans because it doesn't scare me! And the OCD just got you all fired up again. It's clever like that.

Hi,

But it's weird because sometimes I feel male and sometimes more female. My psychologist said I had OCD but I think I've turned transgender because I don't feel comfortable sometimes with my penis. I never had this before and sometimes it just goes away. I had HOCD before this.

computers447 wrote:Hi,

But it's weird because sometimes I feel male and sometimes more female. My psychologist said I had OCD but I think I've turned transgender because I don't feel comfortable sometimes with my penis. I never had this before and sometimes it just goes away. I had HOCD before this.

I'm a little gender fluid like that. Still, you can be gender balanced, without being trans.

You have a history of OCD, including HOCD. That strongly biases this conversation towards TOCD.

been there, done that and believe even this passes only to be replaced by some other OCD (ROCD, HOCD, POCD, you name it) Just hang in there and somehow time will clear the thought out of your brain. Think about all the other obsessions you had in the past... they too have passed and got replaced by something else. This obsession will be no different.
Trust me, people who have gender identity issues know this from a very early age (as early as 3 years)

You are not one of them- end of story.

Hi,

I've heard of people who have late onset. What does that mean.

I never felt like this before and it all started because I thought and thought about it and somehow changed my gender identity.

What places did you "hear" this from? Can you trust the sources.

What worries me the most is how when I imagined myself as a woman,before my brain would automatically correct this by going back to my old male self but now it doesn't. I have a strong feeling that I've rewired my brain towards the opposite sex and now I feel feminine. Is this OCD? I feel my gender identity has been lost and I'm not a female.