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Relationship OCD

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Relationship OCD

Postby kah80 » Tue Oct 27, 2015 7:55 pm

First of all sorry for starting so many new posts, but figuring out I (probably) have OCD is new to me and I have a lot of obsessions and it's helpful to talk about them. Yes, I guess part of it is reassurance to confirm it is OCD etc but still.

I've spoken in another thread about constantly thinking I fancy people and feeling immense guilt. I know this can be a symptom of ROCD- relationship OCD. I wonder if anyone here has that or has had it in the past?

My weird obsession with sex never made sense to me before but it does now. I feel my partner and I have to have it once a week as I once read that a relationship is in trouble if you don't. The thing is it's not about the actual sex. I think i actually have a fairly low sex drive. I just feel I HAVE to do it. What if we don't and we never do it again? What if she doesn't love me and that's why she doesn't want sex? What if I'm going off her? I need to have sex to reassure myself none of that is true. Once it's over for the week I'm fine without it until a week later and then it happens again. It doesn't help that my partner has a low sex drive too but she reassures me she still loves me and still I panic that if she doesn't want it she doesn't love me. This has been going on for years.

Earlier on I ended up in tears because I've felt guilty all day about being attracted to other people and it's been over a week since we had sex and I need it. I don't WANT it, I NEED it. And she's not really in the mood and we wasted time trying to sort out the heating at home which is broken and so I got all panicky that we'd run out of time for sex and started asking her about it and she got annoyed.

We had a chat and I explained what I'd read about ROCD and how it might apply to me so she's a bit more understanding now. She was surprised I don't usually feel like doing it as to her it's like I always want it. But it's a compulsion to show the relationship is ok.

Not sure how to get over these thoughts. I've tried not mentioning it every weekend but I fear if I don't we'll never have sex, and it's a compulsion to ask her if we'll have sex.
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Re: Relationship OCD

Postby Snaga » Fri Oct 30, 2015 1:24 pm

Well....

Just like checking locks, faucets, etc too much....

Take a deep breath and say screw it. I'm not asking for sex today.

That's what I have to do with compulsions. I don't see much difference between your sex and my car door. It's all OCD. It's really hard to walk away from a compulsion, but it can be done.

I need to check the car again- screw it, if something happens, fine. Don't care.

I need to check the faucet. Screw it. Let the upstairs flood.

I need sex to feel that our relationship is okay. Screw it. It's okay, or it's not.

I have to make myself not care.
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Re: Relationship OCD

Postby kah80 » Fri Oct 30, 2015 1:48 pm

Thank you for your response. I can definitely see how they are similar and realising I might (probably?) have OCD is a relief as I always wondered why I had this problem.

It's probably worse as sex is both an obsession and a compulsion. If the obsession is worrying about my relationship, sex is the compulsion. And it's literally once a week. More is fine, although very rare, but as long as it's once a week I'm ok. If it doesn't happen another day I think 'well we did it 3 days ago so it's all ok'. But sex is also an obsession, I.e. I worry we won't have it one weekend so then the compulsion is to constantly check with her that we will. It drives her mad. She says 'we're more likely to do it if you don't keep going on about it'. But I can't stop. I feel if I don't continually check, make sure she's not tired etc, it won't happen.

I have tried not mentioning it but the anxiety is too great. I think I need proper professional help with this.

I appreciate your advice though. I totally understand the theory but the practice is harder.

I was about to say 'does it sound like OCD?' But I think you've already answered that.
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