Mental Checking?? Please help

Hello, I guess I'll begin as I always do by saying I have dealt with OCD/Anxiety issues for many years now including Schiz-OCD, POCD, HOCD, Scrupulosity, Hypochondria, you name it. Anyways something that is distressing me is that when I go through these bouts of different forms of OCD, for example right now its along the lines of Harm OCD, I will mentally go through routines. I guess like mental compulsions almost, but they are only causing me more anxiety than relieving it. An example would be I get the intrusive thought that I am a serial killer, this obviously sends me into a fit, then to make sure that I am not actually a serial killer I will imagine myself killing someone to prove I have no desire to do so and I am completely appalled by the thought. But of course OCD will come back again and say well if you're imagining yourself doing that it must mean you actually want to do it, and then I'm sent into an even bigger pit of anxiety. I'm scared eventually I will stop getting anxiety towards these thoughts and then think I actually want to do things, and it terrifies me so, so, so much. Like what if I start to become not bothered by these horrible thoughts, then what, am I a freaking serial killer!?!?!? I am getting so sick of this and my family is too, I almost have no where to turn so help would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.