Hocd and tocd, please help

Hello everyone,
I'd never thought I'd become so desperate to decide to act on my fears, but here I am. I'm sorry if it'll be too long.
I'm an 18 years old female; when I was a kid I was the typical tomboy:short hair, brother's old clothes... I played with both boys and girls though, and I was surrounded by tomboyish girls(apparently it was pretty popular haha). I was often mistaken as a boy when I went around with my mum, but both of us had no problem in correcting people just by saying I was a girl. I didn't mind having to correct them, even if it for quite tiring. From my childhood I have two "strange" memories: once at the hairdresser, when I got my hair cut short and I kept asking my brother wether I looked like a girl or not(because I wanted to look like boy- not be though, just look), and another time when I heard two teenagers behind me giggling and wondering if I was a boy or a girl ( I remember feeling mortified and embarrassed). I don't know if they were really crushes, but in elementary school I had feelings for two boys in my classroom.
Then middle school: I realized I couldn't dress as a boy anymore, I was grown up now, so I started wearing more girlish clothes, without any major issue. Even now I always dress like a girl, even if I'm still not that feminine( short hair still there, don't like nail polish or skirts in general...) . When I have parties I always dress up and put make up on, and I don't mind at all. On normal school days I always try to look as girlish as possible; it's difficult to explain but I'll try: since I'm still a bit tomboyish (I hang out with both genders, but for example I can't understand all the female drama ;D-my best friends are girls though), sometimes I feel like I acted too masculine in an occasion, and I really fell bad for it so I strive to be more ladylike. (For example, in the mornings I'm not really a flower, so I try to avoid sweaters and tshirts).
I haven't had great experiences with boys. I kissed three of them in total, and my relationship never lasted more than two weeks before I got tired. Kissing was fine at first , but that bored me too after a while. I had an experience of handjob and oral, but it wasn't good, I didn't like it. Probably because of the inexperience of big of us?
All this teenage years I was pretty into fanfiction, especially gay couples and ships. I usually identify with a male charcter, due to my boyish years, but more often than not I fantasize about the character life and not mine, and his gay relationship. It's a weird kink of mine, but I started to use this fanuctiins to masturbate too. I masturbate to those or to imagining sex (penetration is what really turns me on).
Aaaaalll of this just to arrive to my obsessions. I remember once when I was 12 more or less I cried in my shower because I thought u was lesbian, but that was it. Then at 16 or so I sometime wondered what it would feel like to kiss that girl friend of mine, just to find that idea ridiculous afterwards. This year I faced the homosexuality problem, becoming really anxious for a few months, never settling, never stopping questioning, never being satisfied. I often went to website such as this to confirm or not. This questioning was fueled by the fact that I never really had a lasting relationship or particularly enjoyed kissing, and the fact that I haven't had a crush for all my teenage years (except for two days, for a boy). Then, SUDDENLY, when I was hanging on one of those websites, I saw a post on being transgender, and I clicked on it. I wish I had never done it, as if my homosexual doubts weren't bad enough. Now I can't stop wondering whether im trans or not. When I'm in public and I compare myself to the boys I can see that I'm different, and yesterday night I dressed up for a party and couldn't imagine myself wearing a suit. But when I'm alone anxiety assails me, sometimes I can't even sleep, just as it felt when I had the lesbian dounts(now I don't have those anymore). I don't want to be a man, I know it, but when I think too much things start to get confused and blurry and u don't feel like either gender. I don't mind how my body looks, I'm small breasted and I like it that way(I don't feel the need to hide them). What really gives me the most anxiety is my fantasies about fan fiction: what if I identify with the make character because I'm really a man? Or I masturbate to two man having sex because I wish I could be one of them? I'm really really scared now. If anybody would tell me I'm trans is be terrified. What do you think? I'm sorry it's so long but I had to let it out. It's been a hellish year.