Perfectionism / Superiority

I have an issue, or what you could call one I guess.

I have a complete obsession with absolute perfection and superiority. I want to take on many trades and succeed at every single perfectly. I know, its impossible..well don't humans evolve? We are built to evolve. And eventually I will perfect everything to its maximum level. Whether it be painting or playing a guitar or running long distance or diving or architecture, I will do it to its finest...

Are my desires. My deepest desire, to be able to do anything, ANYTHING, I set my mind to. I have to complete these. If I fail, I have a horrible feeling of inferiority and worthlessness, and I tell myself that I will not survive and my offspring will not, that we will die and that I have no purpose.

What does sound like besides narcissistic pd. Before you tell me I'm crazy, let me remind you that A. OCD is the only illness I've been diagnosed with and B. I believe this all to be BS but its just so realistic.

It sounds like you might be suffering from some black-and-white thinking.

Ask yourself, is it really that you want to be perfect, or perhaps more that you want to not be imperfect? Maybe perfection represents immunity from the sorts of problems you mentioned.It's a magical solution to a real problem--low self-worth it sounds like. Usually black and white thoughts develop because we ignore and avoid our anxiety surrounding an issue.

So, I would suggest looking more at where that belief is coming from and maybe thinking about some experiences you had that made you afraid to fail and make mistakes--just like I think you probably know everyone else also does, and maybe bit by bit you could take some steps to challenge that anxiety and not focusing on how good your results are going to be. Think about some minor mistakes you have made in the past. Did your whole family die? Did it start some horrible death spiral? When was the last time one of those came back to haunt you outside of your own memory?

You are capable! I would encourage you to let yourself make a few mistakes. I promise that other people don't expect perfection from you. Maybe talking about it with someone you know and getting their opinion could help? Or if it's causing you more prolonged distress, a therapist could help as well. Good luck!

vertices wrote:It sounds like you might be suffering from some black-and-white thinking.

Ask yourself, is it really that you want to be perfect, or perhaps more that you want to not be imperfect? Maybe perfection represents immunity from the sorts of problems you mentioned.It's a magical solution to a real problem--low self-worth it sounds like. Usually black and white thoughts develop because we ignore and avoid our anxiety surrounding an issue.

So, I would suggest looking more at where that belief is coming from and maybe thinking about some experiences you had that made you afraid to fail and make mistakes--just like I think you probably know everyone else also does, and maybe bit by bit you could take some steps to challenge that anxiety and not focusing on how good your results are going to be. Think about some minor mistakes you have made in the past. Did your whole family die? Did it start some horrible death spiral? When was the last time one of those came back to haunt you outside of your own memory?

You are capable! I would encourage you to let yourself make a few mistakes. I promise that other people don't expect perfection from you. Maybe talking about it with someone you know and getting their opinion could help? Or if it's causing you more prolonged distress, a therapist could help as well. Good luck!

There it is, the term I forgot. Black and white thinking, yes, I seem to suffer from that.
As for everything else, makes sense. I will try it but something I have to n't admit is my severe emotional sensitivity. I've come out with this, after hiding it for a long time. It is a horrible feeling of all my emotions and sensations with a punch, and its hard to deal with this.