OCD Habits? Getting really bad

Hi everyone. So, I never had too much trouble with OCD habits but now it feels like they're taking over my life. I'm hoping that's what they are at least. If not, maybe someone could point me in the right direction as to what they are?

Ever since my bf broke up with me I've been a mess. Desperately hoping maybe one day we could get back together even if right now we're just friends but also constantly reminding myself that there may not ever be a chance of that happening and that I can't force him to be in a relationship that he doesn't want to be in. But it's like I'm clinging to the relationship, not letting go. I've accepted that it's over and acknowledge that he only wants to be friends. It's just the pain and the hurt and the memories of what was, I can't let go of it.

Lately I've been having horrible obsessions about getting crushes on people. Like, anyone that I see that i find even relatively attractive I suddenly worry I have a crush on. At least two guys from my classes, one random guy that looked a bit like my ex, and three different guys in the film club. I got over pretty much all of those, acknowledging they're not crushes at all and that I just notice and acknowledge that some people have attractive qualities. But it's this one guy who I think I kind of had a crush on before I started dating my bf I can't get over.

I don't want to have a crush on him. I can't picture us together. I don't want to date him. He's not unnattractive but I don't feel like there'd be any connection. Maybe similar music taste? That's about it. And as far as personality he's not very outgoing, doesn't have much of a personality. Maybe with friends he does but not really around anyone else. There are things about him that put me off like the fact he was being kinda rude by showing up to film club but ignoring everyone and being on his phone the whole time, plus he smokes and I don't like that. Logically my brain should go, "Ok, you ackownledge he's attractive. But you don't want to date him, you have no interest in speaking with him, you can't picture you with someone like him, and you don't feel any kind of connection. Plus, you're still really hung up on your ex. So...why would you think you have a crush on him?" But I can't let it go.

Getting down to the point of this post. Every minute of my day starting from when i wake up to when I go to bed is filled with compulsions and habits. Some mental, some physical. This guy's name constantly pops up in my head head and I feel the need to say my ex's name over and in order to replace that thought. I have to replace thoughts of this guy with thoughts of my ex while doing pretty much anything. Put something down and that guys name pops up? Gotta keep putting it down until I'm sure I was thinking of my ex or at least of something else because otherwise it feels like I really do like him. I keep tossing items in the air (hairbrush, phone, etc.) and trying to catch them in a certain way a certain number of times while thinking thoughts like "I don't like ___" or "I still love ___, not ____"

It's like I need to replace my ex's name with this guy's name all the time. Going down the stairs I feel the need to spell out my ex's name with every step. If I'm not satisfied with the letter I landed on when I finish going down, I keep spelling it out until I am (mentally, that is). I avoid cracks and lines on sidewalks. It's taking over my life. Everything about me should say that not only do I not have a crush on this guy and this is all pure obsessions but my pain from the breakup is also turning into obsession. My thing with my ex is I do really want us to get back together. At the same time I really really need to acknowledge that he is the one that ended and if he doesn't want to be together I can't push him to.

I can try and keep a positive attitude. I've heard of positive things happening to people who think positively. With that in mind I could be repealing any positive thing from happening to me by constantly dwelling on the things I'm afraid of and don't want rather than the things I do want. I guess I just have this fear that if I focus on, for example, positive romantic energy between my ex and I it'll somehow happen with this other guy instead, which I don't want. It's just hard. I'm not going to push anything on my ex because if it happens it happens, if it doesn't, it'll hurt but I have no control over it. I can't force him to be in a relationship he doesn't want to be in. I know there's nothing wrong with me having crushes on other guys and at first I feared it because I thought it would mean I didn't love my ex the way I thought I did. But now it's more for me, because I don't want to have on or be with some other guy. Even if it's just for now I just really don't want to. Point being, how can I stop performing these rituals? It's getting horribly out of hand, to the point it's hard to even talk to people because I'm doing mental rituals in my head. This isn't healthy and it's really taking whatever little joy I had left out of my life. It's to the point it feels like the only peace I get anymore is when I'm asleep...

Sometimes a traumatic event (like breaking up with someone) can cause extreme anxiety, and thus cause OCD-like symptoms to occur. You say you have never had much trouble with OCD habits, so this may be situational. Have you ever seen someone for anxiety? I assume not.

Anyway, you may be able to work out, over time, if the anxiety cause by your breakup begin to calm. But what you do know is that you are prone to anxiety symptoms when things get stressful. Seeing someone, even for a brief time, might help you with relationship issues, and thus help you with anxiety.

Whatever the case, if there compulsive behaviors carry on for an extended time, then definitely see someone.

Otter.