rocd continuing despite breakup?

Firstly, I think this is more of venting than needing advice but if anyone had any I'd really appreciate it. I call this rocd but I'm not sure if that's exactly the right word for it. When in my relationship I would definitely get anxieties from time to time. I'd feel so anxious if I found anyone else attractive whenever I went out. If I met one of my boyfriend's friends and I thought he was attractive I got anxious. If I thought somebody from our school was attractive I got anxious. I would try to calm myself down by imagining myself in a relationship with that person to prove I wouldn't feel happy with them but that really only served to make me even more anxious. Eventually I would calm myself down because I would tell myself that I know I don't like those people even if I do find them attractive and that I love my boyfriend very much. Only thing is now we've broken up but these feelings are continuing except to a more extreme level.

I think I'm still anxious about this stuff because stupidly I have this hope that maybe things can work out between my boyfriend (no ex I guess) and I. I keep having to tell myself that that might not happen and that i need to acknowledge that but I can't help myself from hoping and wishing and praying. But every time I see a guy I think is cute I get anxious. I recently saw a guy who looks incredibly like my ex. When I saw them nearly in the same room I realized they don't look that alike but there's definitely similarities. The glasses, the hair is kinda similar, the body build, the way they walk and move. So every time I see that person I feel like I think they're kinda cute but I'm pretty sure i only think it because he reminds me so much of my ex. And then I worry because I think, "What if you find that person cuter? What if you'd rather be in a relationship with that person? What if things do work out with your boyfriend but you ruin by going and getting a crush on someone else?"

My parents constantly tell me not to worry because I'm in control of my life and my body and mind and if I don't want to get a crush on somebody or like somebody then I won't but I don't know how much to believe that. I feel like liking somebody is something you can't help. Then again comparing these thoughts with previous actual crushes they do feel different. With crushes in the past they made me feel nervous but in a good way. I wanted to think about them and thoughts of anything romantic happening between me and the guy were positive to me. With this I get this horrible, horrible anxiety and feel like I have to think about romantic things between me and whatever guy is giving me anxiety but not because I want to, because I want to make sure that I wouldn't like it if it happened. But again, it only really serves to give me more anxiety because I don't really have the reactions I want (disgust or thinking, "oh yeah no i wouldn't do that" or "that doesn't feel right").

This breakup has been horrible on me. My anxiety is at an all time high. Every single day I am anxious and my anxieties constantly switch back and forth. The breakup is pretty much always on my mind. Thoughts of, "Did he really never love me" and "How could he not have loved me when he treated me so sweetly so many times?" and "Could we ever get back together?" are constantly swirling in my mind. While us getting back together may not happen, which I hate saying but need to remind myself, my parents have given me encouragements. Not just to maybe have things work out but a lot for myself. Make friends, go out, focus on school, try to relax and be happy with myself. In terms of the relationship they say that I was really happy and smiley when he met me and that was one of the things he seemed to loved about me (which i would agree with i think since he once referred to me as a ray of sunshine when talking about how easy it was to be happy around me) but as the year went on I got more and more depressed. So they say maybe seeing me being independent and not clingy or crying all the time will make him see some of the things he loved about me in the first place. But more importantly for my own wellbeing, it would maybe lessen some of the anxiety.

It's just hard doing any of that because my anxiety is constantly high. I can't go out and see a guy I think is attractive without worrying it would mean I'm gonna start getting a crush on them. Especially that one guy who looks a lot like my ex. I worry that I could or maybe am starting to get a crush on them but the thing is I really, really don't want to. I wouldn't want to get a crush on someone else and I wouldn't want to start dating someone else. Since I so desperately don't want to and am against the idea, does that mean that inside I don't actually want to and those feelings of wanting to are just my ocd and anxiety playing tricks on me? Ok, super long post now, sorry. Hope you're all doing well.