So confused

What if this is just denial and I'm more IH or ego dysdonic.

Definitely not one of my better days. Lack of good Sleep can have an effect on OCD symptoms right?

But I still don't even know at this point where I stand. I don't want this to end up being true. Still want to find that special girl but I'm not sure that will happen when I feel too numb to the opposite sex beyond talking right now. And my groinal responses are pretty much out of control regardless of what I'm thinking about in terms of same sex even if it's not about a human.

jdd wrote:Definitely not one of my better days. Lack of good Sleep can have an effect on OCD symptoms right?

Yes, a lack of sleep causes all sorts of problem. One of the home remedies for dealing with anxiety, is good sleep, good nutrition, exercise, etc. Most people don't want to believe this, but it's true.

Sorry you are having a bad day.

Otter.

It could just be attraction though and I never knew it or don't remember well enough of my past. No?

Otter wrote:When I first came to this forum, I didn't realize how hardcore themes could be, like POCD and HOCD, etc. Actually I think there are reasons for why we attract these kind of themes, at this forum, more than other types of OCD, but that is a different conversation.

I would be curious to hear what these reasons might be. People who are suffering from POCD and HOCD seem to post a lot here, which puzzles me a little, as I suspect these types of OCD are not as dominant within the general OCD spectrum.
On the other hand, I find reading these posts helpful. I do not suffer from P/HOCD, so it's easy to look at them objectively, and see how irrational my own fears are.

And for the record, my anxiety frequently spikes in the evenings despite my anti-anxiety meds, as well as in the morning…although I think this might be related to my "bedtime avoidance" issues.

Marcus555 wrote:I would be curious to hear what these reasons might be. People who are suffering from POCD and HOCD seem to post a lot here, which puzzles me a little, as I suspect these types of OCD are not as dominant within the general OCD spectrum.

This is correct, by and large.

When I came to this forum, I had no idea POCD and HOCD existed. I did a good amount of reading, and it wasn't hard to get acclimated quickly. In the past I had had a sort-of POCD, but it wasn't a dominant issues (since I had hundreds and hundreds of fear it was bound to touch on one of these).

The reasons I mentioned above are varied, but have a general patter to them. I will lay them out briefly, here. These are just my opinions, based on observation and modding of this forum over the last two years.

HOCD and POCD seem to affect younger people.

- Younger people are more inclined to use the internet for all of their information gathering. They are also more likely to trust the interactions online because they have been involved with communicating through digital devices almost all their life. Thus they will talk about these issues more readily than older people.

- Younger people will be affected by HOCD and POCD (to a lesser degree TOCD and ROCD) because these are themes that affect their sexuality. At a young age, naturally, sexuality is already a confusing issue.

- The "fears" of OCD tend to strike at something we know, something that is familiar and dear to us. This makes sense, because the anxiety is causing fear, and we think that the fear must have an origin that is exits in the real world, like normal people think.

- Homosexuality and Transgender issues are becoming more recognized in the mainstream media, and Pedophilia is also in the news more than it used to be. So it is in our awareness more. Add to this that the internet makes all of the information for these things much for more available and the affect on the mind is more immediate. When I was a kid I had no methods of really researching Pedophilia if someone first described it to me. If I was that kid now, I would hop on the internet and have an endless amount of resources at my finger tip, sometimes not for the better. (porn, etc)

- Despite the growing acceptance of Homosexuality and Transgender issues it is still taboo in many places. Pedophilia, more so. Many young people grow up in a homophobic home environment, and/or culture. Calling someone gay is still used as a bullying insult. Combine the already sexual confusion (inherent in being young), and the taboo nature of homosexuality, and it's no surprise that when a predisposition to anxiety manifests (as it will in late teens), the fear is attached to these things.

Generally speaking, this is why I feel we have more posts about these issues, especially HOCD.

Otter

That all makes sense. I hadn't considered the angle of young people's social development in a digital age. Now that I understand this all a little better, I may be less inhibited to answer posts or create my own. Thanks.

I don't know if I even have ocd or if I ever did anymore. Isn't peripheral vision a good indicator for orientation or is this just anxiety triggering fight or flight?

I am 26 in case people didn't see from other posts.

jdd wrote:I fear that I will just find out or be told I am by going to one though as well.

As opposed to the fear of not knowing, which could go on indefinitely? As someone who is avoidant in so many aspects of life, I find it a little amazing that when there is something potentially horrifying on the horizon for me, I have learned to trudge ahead and investigate it,or deal with it, because I know from experience that whatever it is, and however bad dealing with it may be, it's better than having it looming over me, feeding my anxiety. That said, I don't think any doctor or therapist could or would under any certain terms diagnose someone's sexuality. Rather, they could help you work through your own fears so that you might be able to access the truth underneath.

As a gay man myself, there are a few comments I would like to make, but I feel like I must tread lightly here, so as no not inadvertently add to your (or anyone else's) confusion. But I would like to add, as I stated above, that I read a lot of the HOCD posts primarily because they offer me comfort in my own (non-sexually related) OCD issues. This is because as I read them I think to myself, "Oh man, this guy is so NOT gay" , which is generally followed by a millisecond of clarity concerning my own OCD; I see how the insidious mechanism of OCD works in other people, and can briefly apply it to the ridiculousness of my own fears. But this only works in theory. Just as you fear you're "the only person ever who was latent for 25 years" , I'm thinking "well, maybe right now is that super elusive .0001% chance that someone is breaking into my apartment right now".

OCD is like wearing a mask, but on the inside, and you can't take it off.

Marcus555 wrote:As a gay man myself, there are a few comments I would like to make, but I feel like I must tread lightly here, so as no not inadvertently add to your (or anyone else's) confusion. But I would like to add, as I stated above, that I read a lot of the HOCD posts primarily because they offer me comfort in my own (non-sexually related) OCD issues. This is because as I read them I think to myself, "Oh man, this guy is so NOT gay" , which is generally followed by a millisecond of clarity concerning my own OCD; I see how the insidious mechanism of OCD works in other people, and can briefly apply it to the ridiculousness of my own fears. But this only works in theory. Just as you fear you're "the only person ever who was latent for 25 years" , I'm thinking "well, maybe right now is that super elusive .0001% chance that someone is breaking into my apartment right now".

Well said, Marcus, and thank you for considering the group before making your remarks.

I have many Gay friends, a transgender member of my family, and other transgender friends - so when I came here I was flabbergasted by the amount of people who we afraid they were Gay, and I felt annoyed. But I quickly separated the two ideas, because many of these folks were not homophobic, and, in my opinion, the underlying issue didn't have to really do with a fear of being homosexual.

This is why I try to get folks to focus on the anxiety, not the subject of the fear. We have had plenty of members hop from fear to fear, which should be an indication that they are suffering anxiety at the core, and the subject matter is less the issues. But I know how anxiety can be.

By the way, I have had the apartment breaking in issue (unless you were just using it at a metaphor.

Otter.