Hocd relapse, freaking out and panic attacks

I'be been struggling with hocd symptoms for a real long time and was doing well for a while, but then all of a sudden out of nowhere while trying to sleep, a voice started screaming out, "I'm gay I'm gay". It felt weird like some one else out of my body was saying it. I started to get this weird feeling like a panic attack, but it wasn't as strong before. Now I'm freaking out even more because I'm certain this means like I'm accepting it. And my mind keeps telling me things like "you're just repressing yourself", but again it feels hollow like someone else is saying it. But what if that's like a defense technique and my subconscious really is saying that. My mind is just freaking out, I feel nauseas and think. Last time stuff like this happened I t lasted for weeks. I can't go through that again, and I would rather be dead then have to have a relationship with a woman. The thought of being gay and how i would having to date women and not fantasize about men any more makes me want to cry.
It's like I want some reassurance that this is hocd and I'm not losing my mind!

-- Tue Aug 25, 2015 12:13 am --

One thing that occurred to me is that this downward spiral seemed to start festering after I saw a tagine on buzzfeed called "I wasn't always sure I was gay". I thought oh god, what thats me?

I'm sure that probably isn't you but I'd love to know what they meant and how old this occurred for the person if this was given in the article.