***How Are You Feeling Today???*** (may trigger)

Let me address some of what you wrote as they apply to OCD.

if I have it at all because from the sounds of it for OCD to be genuinely there, symptoms must subside at times when not anxious?

The problem with understanding if OCD is present or not, is that people who are new to OCD, or people who don't know much about it, feel that OCD is only present when they are very anxious and even having panic attacks. This makes sense because these people usually only seek help when things gave finally gotten out of control. The fact is, that OCD can be present even if we are not feeling over anxious.

We have had many threads here, where people say things like, "I think my anxiety is gone, by I am still worrying that I might be homosexual". Well, if you are worrying then anxiety is still present. Or something like, "I'm no longer anxious about being homosexual and that scares me". If you are scared, then you are still anxious.

And so forth. The severity of symptoms are two different thing - one is the symptoms, and the other is the severity.

Though I don't like to disclose my obsession and themes and specifics with most people.

This is probably as hard to do, as it is for homosexuals to first come out to family and friends who may not understand. In both cases we are dealing with people who don't understand, and may not understand, even when we explain it to them. So I don't blame anyone for taking time to consider who and how and IF they will tell someone. Sadly we still live in these kind of times. But hopefully forums like this allow us to share what is common for each of us.

Otter.

That makes a lot of sense I guess.

As far as not telling people I have told the people who are closest to me but had mixed reactions as far as responses go. My family has always supported me no matter what so I'm not afraid in that aspect at all. I'm just selective with whom I talk about it with as plenty of people don't understand and even some of the people I did tell d don't understand how is any different from normal anxiety.

jdd wrote:That makes a lot of sense I guess.

As far as not telling people I have told the people who are closest to me but had mixed reactions as far as responses go. My family has always supported me no matter what so I'm not afraid in that aspect at all. I'm just selective with whom I talk about it with as plenty of people don't understand and even some of the people I did tell d don't understand how is any different from normal anxiety.

Yeah that's how I was too. I was scared of telling anyone, even the councilor and psychiatrist i was seeing at first for fear that they would say I'm wrong and just in denial. And I only told the people I was closest too and whom I knew would understand to a degree and who would support me (mainly my mom, my grandparents, my best friends, and my roommate. Funnily enough when I told one of my friends, she told me she had gone through HOCD and had beaten it, so I go to her about most everything OCD related in addition to this forum).

Saw the opportunity to vent, so I'll take it Thanks for this thread by the way. I'm not doing so great today, been having a relapse of intrusive harm thoughts and worrying about whether it is actually OCD or not. It's really hard for me to tell sometimes if I'm experiencing anxiety, and if I don't have enough anxiety I'll try to make myself anxious in order to feel some relief (if I'm anxious, then I know that I don't like the thoughts and I'll feel a bit better). But today, I woke up instantly thinking that I wanted to hurt my girlfriend who was beside me, so I imagined myself pulling out a demonic parasite-type thing from my brain in order to "clean it out". I had more thoughts during the day and was not feeling enough anxiety, so (I know this is bad for recovery, but I feel better) I threw out my exacto blade which I used to use for school projects and art projects. I'd had a hyperawareness of it for many days, and felt relief when I threw it away, but now I'm not going into the bathroom that I threw it away in in case I take it out again. When I was with my girlfriend I had a thought of strangling her and I immediately walked away, and the thought stopped. She knows about my thoughts, and I tell her sometimes when I have them, so I told her today. I know she loves me a lot, but today she asked me if I would kill her in her sleep. I'm so afraid of this now and I'm probably not going to sleep with her tonight. It hurts to know that she is scared, and is staying with me anyways. I don't know what to do. I also have doubts about whether I love her or not sometimes and it stresses me out so much, but I'm pretty sure I do love her.
Also, this morning I took a test to determine whether I was a psychopath or not, and I scored a really low result, which made me feel good. But I'm still unsure about it because the thoughts are so evil and bad sometimes.
Sorry for this long post. It does feel good to get some of this out though.

gorillaspacecadet wrote:I'm not doing so great today, been having a relapse of intrusive harm thoughts and worrying about whether it is actually OCD or not. It's really hard for me to tell sometimes if I'm experiencing anxiety, and if I don't have enough anxiety I'll try to make myself anxious in order to feel some relief (if I'm anxious, then I know that I don't like the thoughts and I'll feel a bit better

I kind of wonder the same things. Like, I feel almost as though I must be lying whenever I have fill out the GAD-7 etc too.

Look, mijos....

OCD. No, not a diagnosis, that would be against the rules.

Call it, 'peer support'.

I've played the "I'm going to shoot/stab/throttle _______" mind game for FOUR decades.

If I had five bucks for every time I thought about killing a loved one, or a pet, I'd have the next several tattoos paid for.

Don't let the OCD get the best of you. What I finally settled on, after lots of practice, is a combination strategy. Mostly ignoring the thoughts. I just let it wash over me. It's like standing in the water at the beach. The swell comes and passes me by. I'm still standing. It's kinda ignoring but not ignoring. It wants to be thought, I let it have its little think. I don't dwell on it. I don't feed it. It gets bored and goes away.

If that doesn't work, I tell it it's a dumbass #######4 thought and that's ridiculous, I ain't killed nobody yet.. Then back to step one.

If THAT doesn't work, then I pull its fangs by saying Fine. Don't care. If I kill _____, I kill ______. Don't give a $#%^. I'll either kill myself in that case, or get put in the electric chair. Ain't done it yet, don't plan on it, but if I do,I do, now go ###$ off!

Then steps two, and one.

In the unlikely event a harm OCD thought gets all the way past those lines of defense, then and only then will I maybe perform whatever ritual needed. But usually I force myself not to....

^ post of the day. you win dinner for two at your favorite drive-thru...

Now I'm going to get religious. Keep in mind this works for me, ymmv. Also, I strongly think even from a purely secular viewpoint, the principles are the same. There was Charismatic evangelist named Kenneth Hagin who used to specialize in spiritual warfare. So in one of his books he said something that had helped me over the years, one of the most helpful bromides I've heard. Iirc he was writing about demons putting thoughts on your head, but whether you want to believe in forces of unseen evil, or prefer to think things are mere biochemical screw ups, it's really all the same, given the quotation:

Thoughts that are not put into word or deed, are thoughts that die unborn.

That's all harm OCD is to me. Thoughts. Damn bullcrap silly thoughts, come to frighten and torture me. I hadn't acted on them, I'm not going to, supposedly everyone has these thoughts. I don't personally understand how anyone not a psychopath has these thoughts, but that's what I've read. Well, then I guess these thoughts won't hurt me.

Idk. Ymmv, as I say. That's how I deal with harm-OCD. It helps that they're so outrageous. Checking faucets, doors, and outlets, that's something else entirely..

Lol Ot I wasn't thru yet...

I know logic doesn't work when trying to figure out OCD or play by its rules but I just have had a difficult time trying to understand how OCD and a combination of porn/whatever could have made me feel like I've changed from who I thought I was growing up or I just never paid any mind of attention back then that I was feeling this way or lack of. So I seem more like its just that I'm explaining away this "noticed attraction" with OCD.